As this semester is coming to a close I have observed there are two kinds of college Professors. One who is interested in you and one who is there to strut their tail feathers. Now I abhor labels and I hate judgment, yet for the importance of a ‘lesson’ here, may I continue?
As I have sat through hours of lectures some teachers have perfected the art of being truly interested in their students, and their students eucation. In contrast there are those who pace back and forth pompously ignoring any raised hands, questions or comments and if there are questions, these Professors make the students feel inferior for having questioned or commented. Excuse me, was this not why the student is there, for the education, seeking out the teachers knowledge, not their ego?
After having discussed a rather lofty project of mine, a mentor that I adore, bent down in front of me and looked me in the eyes and talked to me face to face. With love he said, “Lori, I know you, and while it’s a great idea and lofty goal, you don’t want to burn out….” Well, the conversation went on from there, the love was felt, the message was well received and my “idea” is put on the back burner for another decade or two of my life. Ahhh relief.
So we play different roles in life, the giver, and the receiver of information. Teacher-student, Parent-child, Spouse-spouse, Boss-employee. What each requires, in my feeble opinion is respect, love, understanding, never superiority, ego or control. For some reason these roles we play lend themselves to the idea that we have “earned” the right to be over or thereby exercise some degree of control or superiority over someone. Even in the parental role, while guidance and boundaries are always necessary, respect is never in question. Talking down to another is disrespectful and is a reflection of one’s character, or at the very least their true self esteem.
To get on someone's level…walk a mile in someone’s shoes, or…wear someone’s earphones!
Yes, this could be very enlightening! And we may learn a great deal to improve our relationships. Try it, but ONLY if you can, and I say ONLY, with NO possibility of judgment or repercussions to the individual. Listen to the music that your loved one listens to. More importantly listen to the lyrics first, and then the tempo, the beat and the overall mood of their favorite genre. Music is a personal expression of oneself. If you want to know your teenager (or anyone), this is a perfect place to start. What is the main theme of their music: crime and violence, sex and drugs, love and romance, politics and nature? Is it a happy sound, sad sound, confused sound? Do not take it personal! It is not about you, it IS about them and you are their advocate. Now ask yourself, what CAN you do. Now you have a snapshot of their world. You have walked a little step in their shoes, now get on their level and tell them how much you love them, care about them and ASK them what they need you to do for them. Our roles in other people’s lives is to make it about them…and funny thing we end up getting what we need out of the relationship in the interim. Most of all what people need is for us to just listen and accept them, the growing and figuring things out is done on our own….right? Right. And for what it’s worth, I want to be happy more that right!
Narcissism is a lonely world. Strutting your tail feathers is lonely; after all we’ve seen all those colors.
What kind of PERSON are YOU???
