It's a Brain Theme

Something happened to me the other day that well, frankly sent me into a bit of a meltdown. My dad said this sort of thing happened to him and he does not have any type of mental illness. What he has had is a lifetime of stress, financial pressure and responsibility for many people. I have felt his pain. I laugh at him because he can roll around numbers and interest in his head easier than putting those electric suction things on the cow’s teats (my dad was a dairy farmer).

So here is what happened...my brain, it feels like it short circuited. It just goes kaput, into the fog, on overload. I value my intelligence. I like to think. And actually I think too much. This may be why it does this, this short circuit business.

It happens when I am doing numbers. Spread sheets to be exact. I am NOT a numbers person; math and I don't get along. I get business accounting sheerly on account of I HAD to! And when you see red you work hard. I am a hard worker.

So apparently doctors can be wrong. A few years ago I was told that with each manic episode I had I would lose brain cells, and that this disease may induce early Alzheimer’s. Therefore strict adherence to my med's, as well as self management was imperative. It really scared me…Then I just got used to the idea if I totally lost my mind, well, I guess I wouldn't really know! ;)

Anyway back to the point, thank goodness for continuing research! They have found that anti-depressants rebuild brain cells. Go figure!? Yep, anti-depressants cause brain cells to grow in the hippocampus. So what’s the hippocampus? It’s where learning and memory take place in the brain. The scientific name for cell regrowth is called "neurogenesis."

Don't get me wrong, the crowd I belong to are no dummies:



Which is an entirely different subject, but all the same this blog (inclusive of a comment by yours truly) IS very cool...Is Bipolar Cool?

And don’t take my word for it! What do I know! It’s Drs. Manji and Duman's research. It is fascinating and great news.

Our brains…a wonderful theme, I mean thing!

A Thorny Rose Garden

I had such a beautiful talk with my niece this past weekend. She has been what I call 'cocooning' a lot lately. A condition I am rather familiar with. When some of us hurt we nurture ourselves by seeking out help, and some of us retreat and emerge when we feel better. I believe the truth is we all need someone close that we let in, that we can trust to help us through the rough spots in life, but timing is everything. I don't always do what I preach.

This little niece of mine has been hurting for a while now, and I knew it, but Friday just seemed to be the right day to visit.

The two if us are an awful lot alike and she went off her anti-depressant one year ago. I never said anything to her but encouraging words. Who of us wants to be on medication?

She started back on Zoloft, the anti-depressant she has taken for several years, two days before I paid my visit. As she reflected back on her year she shared a few insights with me. I'd like to share them with you. 1)She realized she started to lose interest in her business of which she was in a #1 position at the time. 2)She felt she was in a fog at times. 3)There were times she felt hopeless and felt there was no where to turn. 4)She had lost that innate connection between mind, body and her spirituality that at one time was very easy for her.

Actually I could go on with more insights from this incredible woman, she is filled to the brim with an acute awareness of herself and life. She may have been in a foggy haze for a time but that is what makes her, "rose garden" all the brighter when she comes out. I think we have to experience some tough times to really appreciate the good times.

Her husband is a Type I diabetic. In her wisdom she said, "I don't tell him that I expect his body to make insulin so he doesn't have to take his medication every day!" "I would never do that." We looked at each other and WE GOT IT! Her brain doesn't make enough "feel good chemicals".

It IS so hard to GET because we don't SEE or understand all the many facets of how the brain gets depleted of serotonin, dopamine, nor epinephrine, and these are just the chemicals in the brain that we know about.

Nobody promised us Rose Gardens...and if you plant one yourself you just have to take care of it! (I hear they're thorny buggers.)

Caged Brown Eyes

Wanna pway wif me?

This past week my grandog Dozer was hauled off by the dog catcher! He was doing the afternoon patrol and a lady from the neighborhood to the North apparently does not know how completely innocent, harmless and actually what a watch dog Dozer has become in our close neighborhood. I understand that if he is running full blast towards you at 65 pounds, spike collar and the mean under bite look and all... it may throw you off a bit! He just gets excited because he wants to greet you and say, "Hey, I'm Dozer, wanna play?" This is him getting a drink and playing with our neighbor's granddaughter, real mean huh?

Dozer is very tender. When he was a puppy and he would get into mischief we would have to scold him. He would take these scoldings rather hard and hide under the bed...until one day he found he was too large for hiding under the bed. It seems as he grew, his really naughty things tempered, such as: chewing the sides of the wood on our staircase, dragging in tree branches (branches, not limbs, branches), knocking down kids (any size big or small) and stealing their toys (only stuffed animals, he thinks they belong to him) out of their hands and putting them in my office. This past week he did steal 3 small pumpkins, he did his own trick or treating and took a bag of chocolate (with the old you have been spooked now spook 3 of your neighbors thing)off of the neighbors porch, he dropped that in the kitchen for me.

Bulldogs are supposedly the 3rd dumbest dog?! I HATE to have to campaign for bull dogs after all these elections and such buuutttt....How many dogs ring a bell when they need or want to go outside? How about growling (specific tone) at 5 a.m. when he wants to be taken outside and then join us on the bed. If we don't shut the door tight Dozer will paw the door open and take Roxee out and back inside the house for us when she needs to go potty or if he just wants to romp with her. He is the most delightful smartest dumb dog you have ever seen. And talk about a bull dog that can JUMP, he learned that from the girls (2 Boston dogs Zion and Roxee).

When I find out that Dozer is in a cage, I jump in my car and immediately head to rescue him at the animal shelter. I am coming up to a stop light and thinking, "That looks like animal services right there!" Sure enough, I pull up behind and there in the back of the white truck in a cage are Dozer's frightened big brown eyes looking out the back at me! I start waving at him and talking in my dozer voice to not worry because "gramma is coming to get you".

Did any of you ever see any movies where the mentally ill were put in cages? I did. I was talking to Dr. D. a few weeks ago and we were discussing his internship where he would walk in and see at least 100 women laying on cots in a large room (I won't tell you the rest of the conversation). This was 25+ years ago and even though it was a room, when I think of it, it feels like a cage to me. What he did explain is the miracle of how anti-depressants have reduced the amount of people in these facilities remarkably.

How many of you have thought that anti-depressants are not necessary, over used, depression is all in someones head, these "people" just need to pull up their boot straps and get over it. If you have thought this way I challenge your thinking and just maybe you have not been touched by it personally?

I do not blog for the hell of it, I blog to challenge your thinking! I find myself judging all the time, first myself and then others. It's ridiculous and self destructive behavior for me and for human kind.

Twenty percent of the population has a mental illness, don't duck your head in the sand. And guess what? they are out walking the streets, working with you and functioning. Some of them are living on the streets because they did not get the help they needed and they are homeless, some are drug addicts and crack heads. While others are serving time in prison. Hey I am the last one who wants to yell VICTIM. Just ask yourself where you are at. That's it. All we can ever be is accountable for ourselves. If you need help get it. If someone else does give it. Just think about it.