Christmas Traditions and Change

Mom and Me at Cemetary

Some traditions live on…and some change. After Dave died we would gather around his grave on Christmas Eve and sing Christmas songs, shed tears, share stories, laugh through our tears and pray. That tradition changed a few years ago when the family got bigger and older.  Each of us still remember Dave through the holidays in our own way. I dropped off my wreath this year and was delighted to see he had been visited by many already. He is not one who is easily forgotten. He comes by a stature of command naturally through my dad’s lineage, (6 ft. 4, 230 lb.) so playing Santa was a natural and rather humorous affair for the adults who got to witness the event.

Back in the “olden days” when I was a kid there was no Santa costume and Grandma Allen bought red and white tissue paper for the children and we would create Santa on my dad which was fun, albeit certainly no mystique in the legend of Santa. Then one year investment in the whole Santa costume get up was made and the delight of Christmas parties was never the same! Year after year Dad plowed his body into that hot costume and HO-Ho'd his way with bells and a bound into all the family parties and a few others. I’m not sure who had more fun, the kids or Santa?!

Dave as Santa holding Richard

Dave watched Dad pour on the Santa charm and took over in his twenties. I’m not sure if the kids were smarter in the 80’s or if we were just so naive, but those kids were on to Santa Dave like nobodies business. Nevertheless it didn’t spoil any of the fun. Dave could lead our musically deficient family through a string of Christmas carols, and you better believe Dave never missed a word. Mom taught us all the classics.

From left to right:my Dad, Sherry (wanting to be Santa!), Santa Richard

In all honesty I don’t remember if Dad picked up during the interim when Dave was gone and Richard was too young to carry on the Santa tradition. Some years you are a little numb during the holidays. But we now have the tallest, skinniest, off the cuff Santa ever! Santa Richard, Dave’s son is carrying on the tradition with varoom! The children are a tad bit intimidated by his towering height but endeared to his loving disposition and enamored by his questions. As for the adults…tradition does live on…inside that Santa costume is a little bit of my big Dad and my big Brother. You can hear it in his voice, you can see it in the gestures and you definitely feel it in the love.

3 Degress of Depression Part II

Many years ago, during my first round of college I had a professor teach me about the I-BEAM. He asked what would you cross an I-beam for if it were spanned 1,000 feet in the air between two tall buildings? Would you cross it for a million dollars? Would a million dollars be worth risking your life? What if it was for a loved one in need?

I believe most of us would not give it a second thought and would be on our way to the other side. What if that one in need was actually you?

Can you recognize when you need help? Many people needlessly suffer because of living in denial? Or as I have said before… sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know. Awareness is key to living joyfully, if you have experienced any type of situational or chemical depression research shows that laughter really can be one of the very best medicines of all!

In our family we laugh at ourselves. You can choose to laugh or cry and it is a whole lot healthier to laugh and poke a little fun at things that hit close to home.  Kelly, my husband and I have been in the service business for a long time now and we have some great memories of dumb things we say… or ignorant things others say. Here’s one for the records-- 

 

Kelly’s was in the middle of coloring a ladies hair in our salon, and for some reason women have a tendency to bare their sole (and other things I might add) while this good looking man (my husband!) makes them look great. No doubt he encounters several TMI (too much information) situations regularly.  Well, Mrs. “Whogit” went on and on to Kelly about how “crazy” and how much she disliked her daughter-in-law because she was bi-polar and she did all kinds of strange things and she was hoping her son would divorce her.  Kelly stayed silent until she had finished her story and then politely said, “My wife is bi-polar…”

I have had similar situations, sometimes I set them straight, and sometimes I wait for them to leave and I have a good belly laugh about the ignorance of the my dearly departed “friend.”

They say Ignorance is Bliss? Huh?

The 3 degrees of depression Part 1

The more you know, the more you realize you don't know. I just finished three semesters of college at 47 years old. Now here is one thing I do know: when you experience things first person, second person, and then third person in MANY different circumstances, under many different situations you CAN BEcome familiar with something and possibly give it some clarification and description. Here is my attempt at that...

I rank depression in two categories, chemical and situational; and in the three differing degrees.  Situational is something that has happened in your life that brings you down. Chemical is the “feel good” chemicals in your brain are just not working properly . If you think that this is not possible there is plenty of research to prove this. I refer you to this site to learn more about it.

Now for my three degrees:

The glOOm: a grey cloud has settled over you, you don’t feel like yourself, but you still push yourself through life and get through your responsibilities. It is no way to live! And there is help for you! Many people live like this and it could be caused by a chemical imbalance. Family history of mental illness is an  indicator, hence the problem, no one has wanted to talk about mental illness. times are changing.

As more research develops and the realization is coming forth that the brain sometimes does malfunction in the mood centers. Huh?!

The Black dog: Winston Churchill coined this phrase. I use it to describe when I can’t get out of bed because I am so depressed. If I “crash,” it is because I have physically exhausted myself (this goes along with bi-polar) because I have been a little on the high side and I am paying for it and have to sleep off my over exertion. If I am manic for long periods of time, the phrase goes, “what ever goes UP must come down!” The BLACK DOG sets in and the feeling of despair sets in. For those who suffer from uni-polar depression the black dog can set in and the feelings of worthlessness and lack of pleasure for anything sits on top of you like a stinky mangy black dog and there does not seem to be any reason why. When there is no reason why, this is chemical. If there has been a tragedy, such as a death, divorce, loss of income and such the black dog may set in for a short time, but situations change and the mangy guy leaves.

The abYss: I don’t even like to address the abyss, because for those of you who have been there, bringing back any of those memories, well, it is just downright painful. This is when you are on the bottom of the ocean, and you have no desire to save yourself. You need help professionally and you need it quickly. You have people that love and care about you…even if it feels as though you don’t! Reach out!!! It’s hard, but it IS worth it and you have the courage because I care about you because I have been there a time or two. 

A friend told me the other day that on the average children laugh 400 times per day and adults laugh 14 times per day, and that we adults better GET WITH IT!

Awareness of the Regrets...Live NOW

I’m starting to believe I’ve moved my office as many times as my family has gone through divorces! Ouch. I now have 2 offices. One at home for my U of U social work studies,  and one in our beautiful Phazes building that I love so much…I don’t love my business as an entity, I love its SPIRIT. It is warm, inviting and loving. From the very first day of conception (yes I say conception,) because we bore and have belabored with this little baby, whom is now 24 years old. She is wonderful, temperamental, and her insides have all the beauties now of a grown woman.

Today I am 47 yrs old, plus another 128 days. I have few regrets, but this is one that I wish I could change, however at the time, I was just so unaware. When I reflect back on my life, when I was actually living it, there was much of the time...I was not there. Oh my physical body was there, and possibly even a certain presence of mInd was there; but what I am talking about is really living the moment. Being totally present with the person, or the experience, or even the feeling...and Living in the NOW. 

It seems like such an odd thing to say, yet if you actually think about it, how often are you somewhere, but your mind is completely in a different space and time?

How often have you got in your car and arrived at your destination and you cannot remember any of the turns you took, stops you made, or how you got there?! Your physical body was performing, but your mind was in a completely different place. Now imagine being the person sitting next to you in that car, or maybe in a room with you or in any given situation and they NEEDED you…and You just were Not There…

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

- Mark Twain

v.

Oh my gosh, there are so many things competing for our attention! So what are your priorities and what matters most? I cannot answer this for you, i can only answer it for myself. Furthermore it would be rude and assuming if I tried!

I find that we as people ruminate over many things that happened in the past and fret about things that could be detrimental to our futures. We play these “negative tapes,” so to speak in our heads repeatedly, relive them to nauseum. Just because we ‘see’ things a certain way in our own minds, doesn't make it truth! It is another one of those…”maybe if you walked a mile in anothers shoes, you'd "see" things differently….

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
It's about learning how to dance in the rain.

- Vivian Greene

Different is often times a good thing, our world changes, and so must we...

A Hairy Dream InterPretation

Last night I had a dream I was skiing and broke my leg. A gentleman came to help me, and as he lifted my ski pants to see the damage, there was a protruding bone sticking 2 inches out of my ankle... and the  hairiest leg (one that is) I have ever seen on a woman. OH my goodness, yes, my other leg was cleanly shaven! Is this weird? Am I bi-polar or something?! I was horribly embarrassed!  

It was kind of like when your parents told you “make sure you have on clean underwear, you never know when you’re going to get in an accident!” What was that all about? (if you are a young one, you won't understand that phrase). Ive often wonder if that is what they do when you get in an accident. Pull down your pants and see if your underwear’s clean.Good psychology Mom and Dad!

Anyway, I have a dream interpretation book. I’m a little fascinated by dreams. I looked up “hairy legs.” Huh, Nothing.

My interpretation: Maybe I'm forgetting something I am supposed to be doing... like...probably right now!?

Living Life through the CRAP

I know just how you feel.

Sometimes only my dog gets it.

I have had the distinct pleasure, or the awful curse (depends on how you look at it) to spend a lot of hours in bed…more than the average bear (or dog). I’m a SOCIAL creature, yet as circumstances would have it, either my brain or my body just does not always cooperated to my liking. I have been criticized/judged for this at times, yet my doctor was wise when he said “who would CHOOSE to stay in bed?” There are some who think that depression is "all in your head?" Uh, Exactly. Your brain chemistry is off, and it makes your feel like crap, just like when your pancreas is off and you're a diabetic, you feel like crap. Huh, that's weird?

I certainly would never choose to stay in bed, I loathe it, it’s a painful place to be…I have places to go, people to see, life to experience. But if your body revolts and your brain is foggy, well, as I have said before…”you try it, and walk a mile..........”

During the past year I have felt very little depression, but I have felt a good share of exhaustion. Exhaustion to the point my muscles hurt and my energy is zapped (no i don't have fibromyalgia). Life expects a lot sometimes and I’m not so good at monitoring or quiting when I’m just tired. I pay a high price for my excessiveness, but my thoughts, my extra feel good chemicals when I am 'ewe manic' drive me on. My aspirations and expectations about life are high. It’s not about the high life. I gave up caring about “things” when my ego was busted years back. Sure I love nice things, but being nice and caring about other people is what makes life worth living and drives me.

I have responsibilities. It happens by the time we are approaching 50, there's a lot of STUFF. But life happens one day at a time, one moment at a time…and keeping perspective of those days and those moments…even when a tear is shed and then there is laughter that follows—life is happening. And it is all in the journey and the journey is really beautiful, for it is the simple things that count…

Meet Lucy Lu

Soooo…here is a little thing...meet my new grandog, Lucy! Our new little Red Boston, is laying in her Daddy’s arms (yes, Disneyland Dog DAD now has THREE). Seriously Three!  It looks as if Roxee and Lucy will do just fine together.

It's safe out here! Come on girls.

And where is Dozer?  If I have three guesses, he’s either out patrolling the neighborhood, thinking he's got to protect his brood, or hiding under the bed because he got in trouble. He gets gas and Disneyland Dad doesn't like it...or he taking he nap witt he love dog BOBO. Yep, he loving he BOBO! Ahhh. Love my puppies...almost as much as my kids.


I changed my kids diapers and I'm not above helping to potty training Lucy Lu, in fact I stepped right in her CRAP just yesterday. Sometimes life just stinks. And we cry and then we laugh, but we must choose to live.