Winter's Stage of Life

It has been months since I have been able to write. I rely on inspiration and rawness when I write.....these emotions seem to have been fleeting. Today I will try..try to see if anything that is in my heart and mind, may be of benefit to put on paper and project out to the world, via, a blog.

Today I settle in.. IN to a reality that if given the chance to change, I probably would. Not that it would be the best decision, but I believe, WE all have a tendency to gravitate to the known. My life is not bad right now, actually, far from it, but because of divorce, change in career, new friends, another bed to sleep in, well, it is all very different, different from what I am accustomed to. 

I’m 50something, and for some odd reason, I would like some familiarity surrounding me, i.e., hearing my kids come through the back door, having an employee sit in my office and cry (or bitch), being overwhelmed with more physical and emotional work than I felt I had strength for, but somehow always mustering it up! Now,.. where I am Now, none of this familiarity is possible, and how addicted I have been to the dysfunctional aspect(s) of life. Now, yes, I have NOW simplified my life, I have changed everything that was familiar.

I chose. We each choose. We make choices, every day, and the consequences come, either quickly or slowly, each consequence can be met with awful trepidation and resilience. Over the past 6 years I have posted 16 blogs about “change” and 24 about “acceptance”. It seems logical that I have anticipated these themes to be BIG in my life.

I am in my 50’s now. It is the “NOW WHAT” stage of life.. I raised 3 beautiful boys, and they are in full swing now, instigating successful and happy lives of their own. I personally have lived a remarkable and full life, filled with worldly success and diverse experiences. Yet after contemplation and severe reality checks, I realize that it is now the Winter stage of my life and I am trying to adjust.

My Winter stage of life.. it is quiet, still, simple, beautiful, lonely and confusing. In the Spring of my life I had purpose; my home, family, business and friends needed me. Summer came and I was still in full swing, in heated pursuit of creating worldly success and pushing my offspring to happiness. Then the Fall season came and the harvest seemed robust and colorful, it was also fleeting and filled with hard work, taking care of all that I had worked so hard for.

Then Winter rolled in and it was time for assessment, discovery and stillness.

I love the Winter when the snow falls crisply, cleans the air and makes everything look brisk..... everything is poignant..

..and still. 

But the truth is I also pause... for when the Winter sky turns grey and I yearn for a sliver of sunlight,  I’m not sure what is ahead..but my hope is always for peace, love, acceptance and understanding...I have that, well most of that, 

and I am blessed...I hope that for you too...it is alway, ALWAYS about the Journey.