Some friends will be friends forever because of the things we experience together. Glenn and Kathy are these kind of friends. They used to live two doors down, now they live in Texas. We saw them tonight and reminisced about old times--good and bad. Glenn and I were both diagnosed with manic depressive illness while we lived in the same neighborhood. His illness did not manifest itself until his early 40's. Mine on the other hand was something I have shown signs of since I was a teenager but unfortunately not diagnosed until I was 39.
This illness, as does all the mental illnesses, have many different faces, and no one remains more responsible for their individual health than the sufferer themselves. Seems strange to say that because mentally ill individuals have been depicted as incompetent to think and care for themselves. I beg to differ! Most mental illnesses, if given proper medication to balance out the brain chemistry, (which in and of itself is a challenge), can lead normal, happy and productive lives. Knowledge of the illness and self management techniques for a healthy lifestyle in understanding triggers that could exacerbate the illness rests upon first, the person with the disease, and then the family.
I remember Glenn's "high" days, (if you're bi-polar you get sick of the word MANIC). Wow, if I was 'up' too we could talk a blue streak. Business was always a favorite topic of ours. If anyone else happened to be in the room, or on the golf course with us, I'm not so sure we even paid much attention to them. We always enjoyed each others company, lively animation and ideas.
One thing you learn in a non-medicated bi-polar persons world...What goes UP must come DOWN! The main reason many who have this illness do not take med's is because they miss the high, the periods of extreme energy, productivity, creativity! Ya, well, at what and whose expense? This illness affects not just the person that has it but everyone who loves that person! It is also amazing to me how people can be embarrassed about taking a couple of pills that will help them be easier to live with, yet not think anything when they have self induced diabetes and have to take insulin to regulate their blood sugar. Interesting how our perspectives might need a little adjustment?
I had long periods of black days in my late 30's. Winters were always particularly hard. I was always searching for an answer to make this black feeling go away. I had been on different anti-depressants off and on for 10 years. I never stuck with them because ultimately the black feeling always lingered.
I tried the natural vitamin/amino acid health regimen, chiropractic, meditation tapes, acupuncture, diet and exercise, prayer, regular counseling, over achieving, and so on until I was defeated and had retreated to my bed. It was customary since I was 16 to have bouts of depressive days that I did not want to get out of bed but by 39 I actually spent a 9 month period in bed. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder shortly after that.
As we had dinner with Glenn and Kathy they reminded me of a time when my world had completely gone black, but somehow I had reached out enough to find myself at their doorstep. Glenn had said that as he open the door I had collapsed in his arms and the conversation that ensued in their home afterwards was nothing but bleak. All hope and feeling for anything had gone. Glenn could do nothing but relate, he had been there. Fortunately those Black Days have Gone BYE...we understand ourselves more fully.
Should anyone suffer from any kind of mental illness, be it depression, anxiety disorder, obsessive/compulsive, stress, grief, there are so many things that can detract from the beauty in our lives; I assure you there are ways out of the abyss. Never, ever give up hope, there were many times I begged to die.
Reach out to someone, I did and I was the better for it!
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