Sunflowers & Sunshowers

Today is my sisters birthday. My mom's birthday is 4 days from now. There is 21 years between the three of us. I am the youngest in the family. My brother who was between my sister and me was killed 14 years ago, he was our only other sibling.

I am crazy about my family. They mean everything to me. We LOVE spending time together. Life seems to restrict that more these days since our children are grown and going in so many different directions. My sister and I practically raised our children together, she was single most of the time.

Every family has their issues. Ours is no different. But I can honestly say that since Dave died my sister and I have cherished each other and rarely said a cross word to one another. My mom and I have worked side by side in our business now for 20 years, she has been steady and consistent throughout. She is forever protecting us girls and serving us tirelessly. Sometimes so much so that she has sacrificed herself and other relationships.

One thing our family does not do is take for granted how far we have come. We talk things over. We talk things through one on one and in groups. We have come to know that when we do this we all come away with a better understanding and appreciation for one another and ourselves. At times this has been uncomfortable, but we learn to push through the discomfort and we always feel better afterwards. Unconditional love, acceptance, understanding and appreciating one anothers differences is what got us through tough times. We had to learn this over time. It did not come all at once necessarily or even naturally...I am sorry to say, or maybe not, those things worth working for always mean the most.

Taken from Like A Sunshower by Journey:
We find the sun through the rain
Caught in a sunshower
We'll be all right, no one's to blame
After the storm, we'll shine
So rare you and me disagree
Love's like a sunshower

What a Kaleidoscope IT IS!

Last week two ladies in my neighborhood dropped by my house to visit. After having spent an hour or so with them my heart was filled with compassion for Jan and Linda (not their real names). They shared the burdens and worries of their children, each have different challenges with mental illnesses.

Linda speaks with remarkable ease about her son who took his own life 5 years ago. He was diagnosed with schizo affective disorder. She is confident that her son is in a better place and she is grateful he no longer suffers as he did.

Linda's 24 year old daughter has had bulimia and now is picking at her face till she bleeds. Jan still searches for some type of answers and firm diagnosis for her 13 year old son. I see the fear in their eyes and the frustration for a system that seems to provide little help. They have so few avenues to turn to anymore.

When I hear of things like this I am sad. Mental illnesses can be a very complex issue. Certain chemicals or molecules in the brain--notably neurotransmitters--along with various enzymes or neurohormones--may be altered in their molecular structure and function. The brain, it's a beautiful, magnificent creation; as is a kaleidoscope. just twist a little and change the way you look at it and you get a little different outcome every time!

I don't consider myself a crusader for the mentally ill, but I am passionate about my feelings. There will be a movie coming out about a man who is bipolar. The movie is called ElectroBoy. While I look forward to its release, I am also nervous because often times the media sensationalizes mental illness.

Open the link if you are interested about info on Electroboy and a comment from yours truly...
Website link

Fighting the Black Dog

Winston Churchill was the one who described his depression as "The black dog." I'm not sure if these other famous people have or had ways to describe their highs and lows. I would be interested to know.

When I am looking for a metaphor to explain how I am feeling or what I am fighting I have used the expression, black dog, deep dark well or the abyss. Each to me are different.

The abyss: Cold, dark, miles away from anyone and anything; the place I care never to go again for I would rather die.

The deep dark well: Again, cold, dark, I scream, but no one can hear; I claw my way up the sheer sides and struggle to climb out on my own, and I do with a lot of fight and hostility inside.

The black dog: I see him coming around the corner but I always think I can outsmart him or I have made peace with him. Somehow quickly he sinks his teeth into me and smothers the life out of me for a time.

The black dog is with me. I hate him.

Basic Beige and A Bagel

The color beige is under rated. I also think vanilla ice cream is under rated. Where would we be without vanilla ice cream or the color beige? You need vanilla ice cream to put with apple pie. If you don't have beige to offset black you could never appreciate the contrast. The simple things can make other things so profound.

My husband and I go for a bagel every Friday morning. We have been doing this for a few years now. When the weather is warm we take Zion (our dog) with us. There is a delightful group of ladies there quite often that we enjoy laughing with. These ladies adore my husband, love my dog and I think they like me too. It makes it fun!

I guess the funny thing is I have learned when I wake up on Friday morning, pull on a basic beige t-shirt and go get a bagel...well it's the simple things in life that I look forward to.

Kel orders the same thing each time, the Tasty Turkey, chips and a coke (even if it is 8:00 a.m.). I mix it up a bit. This is my husband, consistent, I have been able to count on him to be by my side not if but when I mix life up a bit! We have been married nearly 24 years. We opened our own business together nearly 21 years ago. And life has been quite a roller coaster ride. I tried to steer the roller coaster until I realized, roller coasters were meant to ride and enjoy the ups and downs.

Kel and I talk a lot now. All the kids are gone and we are enjoying a different stage of life. We have both changed. What was important to us in our 20's has changed now that we are in our 40's. What changes? Perspective in life is BIG! So big that it's the simple things that now mean the most to me. So aside from my Friday morning bagel date here are some more simple things I Love in no particular order: My dogs at the door in the throes of excitement when I come home. A bubble bath. A good book. Singing loud. A phone call, email or text from one of my boys. A cookie. Being in the mountains. A conversation with a friend. A hug. A kiss. A tear. A smile.

Most of these simple things are tender and free, but the bagel will set ya back about $13 bucks!

It takes all Kinds of Flowers to make a Bouquet

YouTube - How I would describe Bipolar Disorder........

I found this video on YouTube. I thought it was quite unique and one way to understand how a bipolar mind works when it is unhealthy. Keep in mind that when proper medication is found some that suffer from this illness can find a healthy lifestyle.

Unfortunately it can be a very devastating disease for many. The statistics are 20% of the population have a mental illness, with 4% of those being bipolar.

My Magenta Mind...

I love the color magenta. It's bold, it's fun, it's bright, but too much, is just that, too MUCH! I am like that or at least my mind gets to be too much and it spins off its axis. Thursday night as I lay trying to sleep and my mind spun from one picture to the next, from one one-sided conversation with myself to the next, I knew I was in trouble...yet again. I HATE THIS!!! I have been here before, I will be here again, I have lived this cycle many, many times.

I got in on a cancellation with Dr. D. first thing Friday morning. He is complimentary of my ability to recognize the signs and patterns that I get into. We discuss management techniques. (We have discussed these before, but repetition never seems to hurt). I go home and spend all weekend sleeping or reading. I never cease to amaze myself that I can actually sleep 18-20 hours a day. The question still eludes me; is my mind so overworked that it needs this much sleep? Am I escaping my life and therefore just wanting to sleep? What am I feeling right now? Not much!

Actually if I really allow myself to feel I am angry; angry that no one understands this crap, angry that I live with it and I don't always understand it. I can't see it therefore it does not exist. But I feel it and the crash hurts.

My magenta mind has gone gray...

Oh My Bloomin' Boneset

Maybe you don't care about these fluffy white wildflowers; but they have been used medicinally throughout U.S. history. It was mostly used to assist the fusion of bones.

What is on my mind is how do you feel about our country? With all the political rhetoric, economic state of affairs, national safety issues and on and on ........Do we need a little boneset? Do you feel broken when you turn on the news, talk radio, or look at your investments (or dry bank account).

Wow, I am a citizen in the greatest country in the world. I have been self-employed since I was 21 years old (more than half my life now). I expect no accolades or special treatment. I do expect to be treated with respect. I feel no special entitlements are due me; just a fair chance as a small business owner. I expect the same things in my personal relationship's as well. I learned these things while attending the University of the School of Hard Knocks. I hear there is open enrollment. I have learned more there that I seem to just keep going back for one more 'medicinal' class.

What I have found after my life of schooling and self employment in the service industry is these 3 things: 1) You get respect when you give it. It is earned--over time. 2) Those who feel entitled to 'whatever it may be', never recognize who they are. They shift accountability and play the victim and martyr role (victim of course being the favorite). 3) I do see labeling and inequality going on in our world all the time. It saddens me. Whether it be because of our physical, mental, social, or spiritual likeness or lack thereof we judge!

We like people who are similar to the way we are. Now that is easy. The real challenge is accepting and loving someone who is NOT like us. That really would be the land of the free and the home of the brave...

A bloomin' boneset that fuses everyone together? Now there's a thought.

Composites Not Everyone Can See

Beaver Mountain - Utah's best kept winter secret

The largest of all flowering plant families is the Composite Family. The daisy type flowers are part of that family. Daisies are my favorite wildflowers.

If you have ever stood in a field of wildflowers or been in a crowd of people you may look to see if you can recognize that SPECIAL one, one that really stands out. Sometimes we have a language that is so powerful and bonding with someone you can just be in their presence and you understand them and they understand you. How beautiful! Likewise, sometimes amongst a crowd their are loved ones looking over. We know this and yet we want to really KNOW this!

How often we seek for signs in this life. Does he/she love me? Am I good enough? How can I survive? The signs are all around us.

We keep our heads down a lot in this life, sometimes we keep each other down. All the negativity...it's catchy. But if you Look up you might be able to see the trees in the forest. You can find angels in trees!!!

Life is better when you have an angel on your side...