I love the color magenta. It's bold, it's fun, it's bright, but too much, is just that, too MUCH! I am like that or at least my mind gets to be too much and it spins off its axis. Thursday night as I lay trying to sleep and my mind spun from one picture to the next, from one one-sided conversation with myself to the next, I knew I was in trouble...yet again. I HATE THIS!!! I have been here before, I will be here again, I have lived this cycle many, many times.
I got in on a cancellation with Dr. D. first thing Friday morning. He is complimentary of my ability to recognize the signs and patterns that I get into. We discuss management techniques. (We have discussed these before, but repetition never seems to hurt). I go home and spend all weekend sleeping or reading. I never cease to amaze myself that I can actually sleep 18-20 hours a day. The question still eludes me; is my mind so overworked that it needs this much sleep? Am I escaping my life and therefore just wanting to sleep? What am I feeling right now? Not much!
Actually if I really allow myself to feel I am angry; angry that no one understands this crap, angry that I live with it and I don't always understand it. I can't see it therefore it does not exist. But I feel it and the crash hurts.
My magenta mind has gone gray...
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