Stray Black Dogs Do Survive

With each episode of depression I always seem to go through a similar routine. It is a power struggle of mind body and soul. Nothing wins. The first emotion when it hits is absolute horror; because this crap hurts in every way. Your physical body fights with your mental and emotional being, and every relationship you have is compromised.

I retreat until the worst of it is over. Then I begin the process of looking for more answers and support systems to help me and my loved ones to better understand and find more ways of managing and coping with this illness. This particular time I found some great internet sites which I have posted as resources. I also found a blog called Stray Black Dog. He is from the UK and calls himself a "depressive". I am sad that he labels himself this. I do not see myself as a "bi-polar". I admit his entries are terribly depressing and the people who leave comments give him plenty of advice of which I am certain they mean well. Now here is my advice...when wanting to really help and truly care about others ONLY offer advice when asked for it, otherwise just LISTEN.

I think when we try to solve other people’s problems, we certainly mean well, but we have disempowered them.

Even stray black dogs can and do survive out in the wild...

Back from Black

I have been sick. Generally when I am sick I still write or journal, getting words out helps to purge my soul. This time I couldn't. This time was different. This time I cried. This time I slept. Cried and slept. Then the self-loathing started to kick in and the ruminating...too many hours when your mind is not right. I know this cycle--been there before--yes, and probably unfortunately may go there again? I always hope for the best and with each episode I learn something and try to recommit to manage myself better so those worst’s are minimized.

There is oftentimes a certain level of denial that goes with this illness. I was officially diagnosed with bi-polar disorder 5 years ago; this last year in particular, I wanted to blame many situations on my mood fluctuations. Although my situations were and are not perfect, it is unfair for me to find blame or fault for my situations and/or illness for any unhappiness and dissatisfaction in my life. Certainly situations do affect my mood and my mental health. Having a clear and healthy unbiased perspective on my life takes some soul searching. I have been able to do that and I am grateful and find myself heading in a much better direction now.

I am particularly grateful for my husband of nearly 25 years for his love, devotion and incredible understanding of me. We have weathered many many storms together...I love you Kell!!

This crash was so NOT FUN. It is good to be Back from Black.