Back from Black

I have been sick. Generally when I am sick I still write or journal, getting words out helps to purge my soul. This time I couldn't. This time was different. This time I cried. This time I slept. Cried and slept. Then the self-loathing started to kick in and the ruminating...too many hours when your mind is not right. I know this cycle--been there before--yes, and probably unfortunately may go there again? I always hope for the best and with each episode I learn something and try to recommit to manage myself better so those worst’s are minimized.

There is oftentimes a certain level of denial that goes with this illness. I was officially diagnosed with bi-polar disorder 5 years ago; this last year in particular, I wanted to blame many situations on my mood fluctuations. Although my situations were and are not perfect, it is unfair for me to find blame or fault for my situations and/or illness for any unhappiness and dissatisfaction in my life. Certainly situations do affect my mood and my mental health. Having a clear and healthy unbiased perspective on my life takes some soul searching. I have been able to do that and I am grateful and find myself heading in a much better direction now.

I am particularly grateful for my husband of nearly 25 years for his love, devotion and incredible understanding of me. We have weathered many many storms together...I love you Kell!!

This crash was so NOT FUN. It is good to be Back from Black.