The Power of Alone

I am a big fan of journaling. I have a diary from fifth grade, one from Jr. high, another from when I was a single mom, and now I frequently pop on to my computer and type a few words or pour out my soul, whichever seems to be the necessary call of the day.

My new granpuppie Lucy!

Some people find it hard to express themselves. I get that. At times I would rather stay at home and be by myself, retreat from the world and just connect to my computer with my passions or my grief. At other times I embrace life and people with the zest and excitement of a new puppy. This change in my “moods” is not necessarily my “bi-polar” disorder, it is really just part of my personality too. Sometimes I am extroverted and other times I am introverted. I don’t believe we have to be all or nothing, and furthermore, I really hate labels. I think we can get stuck with these labels in our lives and end up trying to fulfill them, these labels we are assigned sometimes from a very early age may or may not be what we really are deep in our souls after all.

What I have loved so much about journaling is that it is a place where I can be real with no judgment. I can purge my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, sadness, celebrations, and yes if I go back and read through my journal it is a documentation of my progression through life. And oh what a life it has been! I’m grateful for this journey, particularly for the struggles, for this is when I found out the strength of who I am and what I am made of. I have grown in character and compassion and it brings me great satisfaction when I can go through an experience with another person and have some sort of understanding and can say to some degree, “I understand.”

If you do not know yourself why not? Do you keep yourself so busy or preoccupied with other people’s business or problems to avoid your own? Or have you adopted some or many of the sdb’s (self destructive behaviors) that I have been involved in, i.e.: workaholism, addiction (of any kind), denial, avoidance, eating too many cookies in a day, buying too many clothes for your dog…you know stupid stuff like that! Stuff that makes you look like a crazy person and people label you “MENTAL.” EWE!!

So here’s the deal, not everyone is going to be into journaling. What IS important and what can really improve the quality of your life is AWARENESS. Eckhart Tolle was the first to really introduce it to me in a little book called Stillness Speaks. I still refer to it often, even though I randomly picked it up off of a bookshelf 10 years ago. And I quote:

Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no.

If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion…Suffering cracks open the shell of ego, and then comes a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.

We all have choices. We all have challenges. We cannot compare or quantify the amount of suffering or for that matter achievements we have. Life is life and we go through it. If we make choices to try to avoid it, it has consequences…and at some point we pay the piper.

Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed…and I don’t! I sleep, I read, I journal, but it’s my choice! On the other days I run like crazy, HA. I have a family, I run a business, I go to school and I love and care for people, and oh ya my dogs. So don’t judge me. And if you feel like staying in bed one day, go ahead, I wouldn’t judge you, the question is…would you, JUDGE YOU?

You get to know yourself when you are quiet and spend time ALONE…with YOURSELF.