Depression: Do you get it?

I have struggled to get out of bed the past two months. Pushing myself to take care of business has been daunting. I am blessed to have a staff that is supportive and understanding of both my situation and my chemical challenges. Situational depression is one thing, chemical depression is altogether another. It invades my thoughts, my ability to rationalize and takes away hope. If you have experienced this you understand. If not you will be critical, think that if she "ate better, exercised, took vitamins, prayed harder, went to church, wasn't getting divorced, worked more, worked less, wasn't going to school, just went to school and gave up her business, gave up school and just ran her business, got in the outdoors, will feel better when it's summer, reached out more"...and on and on and on it goes. The advice and know-it-all-do-gooder's are endless. I appreciate them. They mean well. 

Mangy damned black dog

Everyone has an opinion, everyone has good intentions of what another SHOULD do with their lives. I take no offense, they're probably right, I've tried them all! And I still seem to catch this damned black dog. Hate him, loathe him, fear him much much more than death...but endure him I shall!

For those of you who now, or any time in the past, have experienced depression in any degree, my deepest love and compassion goes out to you. I get it and this too shall pass.

Zion. Look at the compassion in her eyes. By my side for 9 years.

My only advice today, get a dog. ;) Good for the soul, depression or not.

Home and my Heart

Home. What defines home to you? And why is it so important? Is it the actual place? The memories, the people, the smells, the food, the history? It's all of those things and more...and it can change...and it can be in the past. It is in the past in a matter of minutes, whether we can allow it to be or not is our choice.

I try not to live in the past. It's a discipline. I try also not to live in the future. It's a discipline. Life changes and we make home where our heart is...where love is. Love, true authentic love that is easily exchanged. No conditions. No expectations, it's a journey getting there. Life is a journey and i have learned many many lessons on the way...and i am still learning them.

i posted this blog Long Way Home four months ago. Since that time i have moved to another home and i love it... Moving? Hate it. Enough said.

 This is the home where i grew up:

Not much has changed in the front yard, other than the trees have gotten bigger.

A lot has changed in the back yard. The dairy farm is gone. Allen Horseplay stables now are home for 40-50 horses. 

This is the home where all 3 of my boys grew into beautiful men:

Many girls came knocking at that front door for my 3 beautiful kind-hearted boys.

Soccer, volleyball, football, snowmen, and lots of dog chasing went on in this backyard.

T.J. my brave-loving-"make it happen" protector of the brood.





















                                                                 
Chase, my affectionate-loyal-loving-passionate mediator.








And Tandin, my calm-tender-hearted, stubborn intellectual. 

i love these boys with every fiber of my being. i would take a bullet for them without a seconds thought. They now establish their own homes and i follow them. It is as it should be. The proximity of my home does not matter, relatively speaking i have not moved much in my life, however it seems i have always taken the long road home. It is as it should be.

Friendship Life Lessons