Toxic Medicine

I remember the days when i was always, and i mean always in a hurry. Even if i appeared calm on the outside, my head was telling my body it needed to DO more, which generally manifested itself in a lot of back pain. Oh sure there were medical/physical reasons for my pain, and the pain was absolutely real, but my stress level exacerbated it to a whole new level. And the pain medicine numbed the pain, but the pain always came back..

What i realize now is how my hurried life kept me in mental and physical pain, which kept me from having any real intimacy with the ones i love..which left me lonely..which was created by my own doing. Ahhhh, the vicious circle!

Intimacy--being vulnerable to someone can be one of the most frightening things we do--and certainly one of the most fulfilling experiences we can have in this life...if we dare. Those who are constantly in a hurry or preoccupied with DOing instead of Being, isolate themselves and often times alienate their relationships. I see the pursuit of constant achievement as just another addiction that keeps us in our own heads while missing what could be shared with another.

I think about all the many types of addictions that enslave us, whether they be drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, shopping, eating, lying, as just Self Destructive Behaviors (what i call sdb's) that bring pain to ourselves..and what is doubly sad, to those we love and who love us.

Eckhart Tolle said that "every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain."I suppose our addictions, as well as our hurried and busy minds, are a means of self-medicating, but the medicine is almost always toxic!

I like the pace of my life now. I'm often busy but never in a hurry.