My 2008 Year End Picks...

As the year comes to a close I have picked a color, a wildflower and a weed to represent my summation of 2008...I also decided to add the Pink Panther Theme since Pink was my color of choice. I liked Pink Panther while I was growing up, but my brother Dave LOVED him. He watched cartoons (all of them) up until his tragic accident 14 years ago at the tender age of 34. When I hear this song I smile. It brings back many good memories for me as a teenager.

My Color Pick: PINK: Pink encourages friendliness while discouraging aggression and ill-will. That says a lot for me right there. Enough said.

My Wildflower Pick: The BUTTERFLY WEED: Yes it says weed, but it is a beautiful bright orange flower! I picked it because a butterfly does come from an ugly caterpillar. 2008 had many ugly times but I have experienced enough in my life to know that these ugly times do turn into butterflies of some sort. This flower is somewhat slow from the seed, but once it is established in loose soil, it is a very permanent fixture in meadows.

My Weed Pick: ASPARAGUS: Actually asparagus IS classified as a weed, but is a member of the lily family? This all seems a little mixed up, which seems to fit my year as well. I picked asparagus for a couple of reasons: One, because I have fond memories of going along the ditch bank and picking it with my brother when we were little. My mom would then cook it for dinner. It is one of my favorite vegetables. Two,it is a nutrient rich food full of potassium, fiber, and vitamins. Which is such an important message for me to remember...even something as terrible as a weed can be good for you! We often times judge quickly and harshly. I have found that the times I am most judgmental and harsh is when I am that way with myself.

There has been an immense amount of change in my life in 2008. I have a better awareness of who I am than ever before in my life. Some things I love, some things I like and there are many many things I am still working on. So bring on 2009! I believe I am ready and it is my hope that you are too...or shall I say whatever your journey is I hope it brings you joy and happiness.

In the End my Picks for my life will be my own and this IS GOOD...not all people in this world can and those who CAN sometimes choose not to.

A Big Fat RED Piece of BEEF

I have some Beef!!!

I certainly do not mean to be sounding cynical lately! My son wrote to me from Florida and was wondering WHAT my last blog was "really about" and what was behind my children being hurt? The truth is, I am inspired by present day happenings in my life, however I do/will reflect on past situations quite often.

I am fiercely loyal, I'm a Leo. I take family and friendships very seriously and lovingly. It is more important to me than work, things, money, activities, sports, dogs, and cookies! It is amazing to me how many times I see people play the roles but become So self serving in the heat of the moment.  

How many times do we reduce PEOPLE as a means to an end?? or as a mere function to a particular role for us to play? or a convenience in OUR LIVES? I do wonder? I see, or rather feel it quite often and when I do, it HURTS...and I must remind myself to MOVE AWAY FROM THE PAIN!!!

I believe some of us get caught in the webs that lies around us, and still we follow, and still we stay in these self destructive patterns. It is so terribly difficult to get out, sometimes we don't even recognize the web that has been spun around us!  

Being true to yourself can be painful at first, but Deathly if you ignore it. You can be dead on the inside but still have a heartbeat. I've been there. You have to know self administered CPR. You have to be strong, resilient and search for it............ any way you know how. You cannot do it alone, that is why we have friends and family! Pride HAS to be put aside, humility ALWAYS comes before change.

I get hurt and I eventually get over it. Time heals life's wounds. You will heal too, and if you choose to be bitter, you will never be better.  Pain disguises itself with an ugly face.

The only way to have lots of friends is, BE A friend. The only way to have great relations with your family is MAKE good relations with your family. You either draw people to you.... or you don't. 

You choose. At some point you have to ask yourself who is the common denominator, if it is you, CHANGE.... or be the Victim.

You can be offended by my BEEF.......or Not. If it hits close to home and you feel the sting, then do something about it, life is too short.

If you have narcissism in your family, i strongly suggest the book, "Children of the Self Absorbed". I have read it 3 times. Most families/relationships have some element of
narcissism, and it can be crippling. You CAN get past it. It takes TIME, but you can!

I suppose Red Beef can be good, it just depends on how you prepare it.... and how you  digest it. I am working on developing a taste for "rare please" and i will probably try to keep it in small proportions. "Moderation in all things" has proven to be a good motto for me.

Brown Mother Bear is Right & Happy

I do not like to be manipulated. I do not like phony people. They make life painful. One area that is particularly sensitive is when you hurt my children...Mother Bear comes out!!!

I do not believe people wake up and think "Okay, I am going to ruin Mrs. Whojit's day today by speaking poorly about her children." Of course they don't! People just don't think at all. They think they are different. They think their judgments are okay and justified. Apparently they think their words do not travel or do not hurt?

I do not like people who abuse their power. Position is not to be over someone. I have found that the most effective way of leading people is by their side and cheering them on. Understanding where they are at, being there with them IN the moment. Counseling your team is much different than telling. Inspiring is much different than motivating. Asking is much different than telling. Power can be very positive or negative!

Some people are takers other are givers. The best relationships are two givers. Two takers won't last long at all. Oftentimes you have a taker and a giver...until the giver just gives out. Truth is you may change roles with different people at different times in your life, but by nature you are either one or the other.

I believe that most people do have good hearts and truly want to do good by others. I also believe there is a deficit of love and an abundance of self absorbed people that fear the very thing they need the most...Unconditional Love.

It seems to make sense that if we give Unconditional Love away it WILL come back...at least from the people that we would be interested in it from...RIGHT? RIGHT!

Now Mother Bear is Right AND Happy about that one!!!

My Christmas Eve White Blanket of Peace

I am dogsitting for the holiday! This beautiful white ball of fur is Izzy. Izzy and my dog Zion are best friends. Don't let their difference in size fool you. Zion generally dominates when it comes to play time with toys, but that is just because Izzy is so mild mannered and has the disposition of a Saint. Zion and Izzy know what it means to comfort a soul in need. For that they are special beyond words...and spoiled beyond comprehension.

Izzy has been with us for a few days now and it is amazing to get to know the personality of a dog. They differ just as humans. Izzy's family was hit by tragedy last March. They lost their daughter in a skiing accident and I believe it is by no accident that Izzy was meant to be in their home to help heal and soothe them during their times of need. As I work in my home office I have had a picture of Izzy and Jocie that I took 3 weeks prior to her accident hanging to the left of my screen. It helps remind me of what Jocie taught me. One: that life is fragile and it can change in an instant. Two: Love purely, unconditionally and vivaciously. Three: Go BIG or Go HOME.This was her motto and she lived by it thoroughly.

Jocie went home on March 22, 2008. Anyone that knew her has never been the same for she had a "big personality". She was as full of life as her red hair was beautiful, but for as much as we do not understand why tragedies happen we must trust in the Lord in all His goodness and know that He will take care of us through the good and the bad. Life IS hard. I don't believe it was meant to be easy because if you really reflect on your life and ask yourself when have I grown the most, I think you will discover it is when life is the toughest. When you have to claw your way out of darkness is when you really find out who you are and what is really important to you.

All to often we make Christmas about us. How tired we are, how many presents WE gave, got, wrapped. How much WE cooked, cleaned, worked, ate, partied, shopped. Every time I catch on to that old inkling of when you lose yourself you will find yourself low and behold it works!! It's a funny thing. When I get caught up in myself...that is when I am the most miserable.

Christ was ALWAYS the perfect example. Humble, meek, mild, patient, long suffering, understanding, kind, charitable. We complicate a lot of things. This life really is short. It is meant to be happy, joyful and peaceful. Today I am grateful to snuggle up to a white blanket of peace along with my consistent companion Zion.

Two of my three boys will be gone this Christmas. There are no presents under our tree this year. Our boys are older, our extended family is under different circumstances this year. Nothing however seems amiss. My glass is always half full because that is the perspective I choose (most of the time). No one was a better example of standing up though being spat upon, beaten, teased, tested, whipped, homeless and forsaken. After all the dumb things I have done He has NEVER forsaken me!

I am grateful to be able to reflect and remember Christ this CHRISTmas and to have had a white blanket of peace come to me.

A Joyful Ball of Red, Green Blue, Orange...

OK, now this is funny! I say that's the HOLIDAY SPIRIT!! To me it says: "I was thinking about it, got tired and went in and had myself a cup o' hot cocoa and did what ever I wanted!" You go boy or girl, whatever the case may be. It doesn't look as though the weather was too snowy out, couldn't use that excuse! And why do we have to have an excuse? It's our houses, can't we do with them as we please? To which I say, NO, he** NO, not if you're my neighbor, I don't want that hangin' around my house but I sure get a kick out of it in other neighborhoods.

When my husband and I drive around in December we inevitably make comments or shall I say dis on the bad Christmas light "jobs" and laugh our heads off. So here was one last night...the old half way around the HUGE pine tree in the front lawn gets ample lights, starts running out of lights the tree gets too tall so the rest of the lights get attached to the eaves of the house, (but just on half of the eaves)...of course! LOVE IT!!! Here is another we saw last night. The beautifully lit huge home that sits on top of the hill with all white lights professionally done that perfectly shows off the windows and pitches. The small home that sits next to the HUGE home with a few mis-matchy lights that have probably been pulled from their basement and thrown on the few small pine trees and put on the front of part of the house like bad teeth that look like they need braces. Hummm? I might just say to George, "why don't you skip it this year honey?"

One year my husband worked very hard to neatly line the sidewalk with lights by first putting stakes up and then neatly attaching the lights to the stakes. (I had nothing to do with this.) The first person to come along kicked them, and well you can probably finish the story from there...

Ok here is one more I love, this one I call the bipolar. This is the yard that has the blinking lights on the tree and the solid at the same time and you look at it and you say to yourself...what am I suppose to think about that??? Well that is exactly how I FEEL sometimes!!

All in all, this sounded very condescending, but believe me what ever makes you JOYFUL it is all worth it. so for now I'm going to go have a cup o' cocoa and snuggle with the dogs in front of the fire.

If all Christmas lights were perfect and there were no blinking ones December drives would be really boring. Such is life if you think about it.

The Garlic Weeds

Ya I realize Garlic is NOT a weed. However the weeds at the ski resort yesterday sure made the mountain "stink!" One run, 19 inches or so...not so good! Our friends, oddly enough last name "Garlicks's" asked us to go and fools that we are, we geared up and went.

In this picture of many HAPPY skiers atop Targhee resort in Wyoming you would find both of our families scattered about. We started going there annually when our children were young. Now all of our children are grown and we generally "tag-a-long" with the Garlick's where ever they go. They know the best spots and are absolute animals when it comes to the outdoors. We always threaten to get in shape for the next round of activities and never follow through, but they seem to appease us and like us still. They have to wait for us (or at least me) quite often. I have had a lot of rather good excuses I thought...I'm working on my next one!

I have always loved the mountains. If I need peace this is where I go. It is also very easy for me to get lost in the complexities of life. But the true reality is, it is all very simple and I make it hard. Maybe it is just me, I don't know?

Just as we depend on nature for our own physical survival, we can depend on nature to show us the way home, out of our own thinking minds. I get lost in thinking, worrying, doing, remembering, anticipating, and it is all really ridiculous. Think about it this way, what has nature really taught us? The rocks, the weeds, the flowers, the animals already know how to just be! It sounds so simple and maybe it is? Maybe things are meant to be just a little more simple and that is why a visit to nature might help us to not be such "stinkers!"

The Big Red Apple

How swiftly life can change. I like change, but resist it all the same. I create it and then fight myself for having done so. I am taking a leave of absence from my business that I have toiled over for 21 years. I fretted over this business like it was one of my children, which is exactly why I needed a break. It is not my nature to sit idle so I am starting a new internet business. My business is in very good hands and will carry on with or without me. This is as it should be.

To follow your passions, isn't it the souls duty to be loyal to its desires? I fear these changes because staying where I am is safe, it's predictable, but somehow along the way I have known I have needed a change.

My mother told me just the other day that I should eat an apple every day, that it would be "good for me." I had a dream just the other night that eating an apple was on my TO DO checklist. I have had a planner and worked from a TO DO checklist since I was 21 years old. It drives me so hard that sometimes I have forgotten how to just enjoy the simple things. Productivity has been more important sometimes than people. Aghh! My new business partner is now the checklist guy. He tells us what to do and we are the creators. I like it.

My sister and I will be working in The BIG APPLE next month. My sister and I have traveled to some of the most beautiful places on earth together for business. Now I don't know about beautiful but if there is one place you can feel so totally free to be who you are without anyone giving a hoot and holler it is Manhattan. I think we're going to like that. We are both starting anew.

For some reason I can't seem to get Sheryl Crow's song out of my head "The Change Will Do You Good." So for now I'm going to go with that. I guess somebody has to!

3 Black Noses and a Lady

I am afraid I have become the enabler of bad behavior! Actually I have probably done more than my share all my life. It's a hard habit to break when you are the people-pleaser peace-maker kind of person. All things are very good-- in moderation. I don't have all the answers that's for sure.

So Roxee Lynn snores in bed. Actually all 3 dogs snore, and I just put my iPod in and try to sing myself back to sleep. We only have a queen size bed. I can deal with a couple of very small Bostons in my bed in fact I rather love the warmth and security. The bed accommodates four just fine Mr. Dozer is welcome in off hours. Eleven to seven are pretty well designated for my husband. Here is the problem...if I have been gone all day I feel Dozer needs the togetherness of the family and not to be singled out by making him sleep on the couch in the other room or at the foot of our bed. He's a freaking DOG (I know)! And I love him, I cuddle him, play with him, pick up after him, scold him, feed him, clean out the boogers in his eyes for him and I feel his tender little heart. What can I say? So some nights it's the 5 of us (and it ain't pretty). My legs feel like they are in a mummy sleeping bag made out of dog. We usually get to fore go the 5 a.m. growl potty call from Mr. Dozer because his bladder does not seem to bother him so much when he feels the warmth of Gramog's legs all night. Funny thing?

My son doesn't care about the sleeping arrangements. When he takes his booboo's on "his weekends" they sleep with him too. But he is NOT happy about my indulgence with his babies and sharing my toast, okay little snippets of meat, maybe a little cookie here and there, ya they actually ate broccoli with me the other day. OK, so we eat all of our meals together!!! The 3 kids are gone now and I just have 3 different pair of hungry eyes looking at me when I eat! If I don't share they love me all the same, but what the heck they love people food sooooo much. Dozer sometimes whines when I am getting to the end of my toast. Is this bad behavior, poor dog etiquette, have I enabled him? I think he is an awfully smart bulldog. Gramog is proud!

It is said that we let our grandchildren (or grandog's) get away with more than we would our own children. WELL I'LL BE! Is this not how it should be? Is there proper order in how things are to be done, those'unwritten rules'? Grandparents, spouses, even step parents until they have earned the respect and trust(which takes time)should be there to support and give unconditional love to family (dogs are family too ya know). Do we disempower the actual one who should be in charge of doing the parenting, the parent(s) themselves when we overpower them because we think we are the ones who have all the answers? Who is to say you are right? Just a thought??? I realize some grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. have custodial rights and they ARE the designated authority and primary disciplinarian and caretaker in the child's...or dogs life, whatever the situation may be.

I am not advocating letting children get away with bad destructive behavior that is violating you. That is called setting YOUR BOUNDARIES. There is a difference. But that is about you, not them and not the parents or any other relationship you may be in. We get the lines crossed often. We place judgment often on everyone and everything and do not look in the mirror.

As I finish this entry I have 2 black nosed short haired love dogs in my lap and I am having a hard time reaching the keyboard, but I manage. The other big lug WILL NOT fit or I would probably try to finagle it. His black nose rests on the red blanket in my lap waiting for a smidgen of toast.

Some bad behavior is just plain worth it...at least in this ladies mind. I AM a Gramog you know!

Hill of Red Beans

I had a beautiful young girl stop by to see me last night. How fortunate I have been to have relationships with young girls, even though my children are all boys. I cherish the tenderness of girls. By no means are my boys not tender though. They are extremely tender, however society teaches the male gender that it is not as "socially acceptable" to show their feelings. I think this is the biggest bunch of hog wash, but who am I to change society?! Fact is, I know the tenderness of my boys, and they know it, and we show it to each other in the proper times, and it is BEA-utiful.



My friend who came by, brought me a cheerful little gift, and words of love and encouragement. I shared with her the changes that I will be making within my position in my business, as well as the changes in my med's AGAIN!..

This discussion of medication opened up the door to how she had been feeling lately. She confided that it was difficult for her to get herself to get in the shower at times, much less to school. And the tears began...hers, mine, it did not matter, we got it!!!

I've been there, she's been there, chances are she will be there again and I will too. This is called depression, and IT HURTS. There is no pain killer for it and no one "gets it," unless they have lived it..really lived it. I am not talking about situational depression, I am talking about the kind where you can't get yourself to feel any joy at all, and the type that you can't explain why..it just sits on you like an ugly black dog.

Her mother has depression and is on an anti-depressant and I asked her if she was. She said that she was not because she could not bring herself to doing that. I got the impression that she felt that she thought she was weak, if she could not get "over this" or that she was still too young to resort to anti-depressants. Yes, she is young and she has been through some really tough things in her young life.

In as loving of a way as I possibly could, I tried to explain a few things that I have come to know, by way of study and purely personal experience and observing a lot of people. Our brains are very complicated; we know a whole lot more today than we did 5 years ago and especially 20 years ago. There are feel good chemicals in our brain called serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, if these chemicals get out of balance (depleted=depression) (abundance=mania) then you just feel unhappy, lousy, like not getting out of bed, the degrees vary, if there is too much of the chemical the opposite happens which creates a bipolar effect. Depression is among the most treatable of psychiatric illnesseses. Depression affects 10% of Americans today and 4% with bipolar disorder. Between 80 percent and 90 percent of people with depression respond positively to treatment, and almost all patients gain some relief from their symptoms. But first, depression has to be recognized.

Situational events may bring on bouts of depression, and medication may be the way to put the chemistry back in balance. Some fear they will never be able to go off medication once they start. Why is there such fear about these anti-depressants and not about other drugs? Why such bias? And my argument is, if it improves your life, and those around you, what's the problem, it's a little pill! Have we fallen again for the sensationalism of the media about mental illness? Who fell over the cookoo's nest? YOU, if you fall for that crap! It is just our brain and it is sick, help it, don't be ashamed, it's not your fault.

Here is what I AM saying: anti-depressants and medication ARE NOT for everyone., Yes I know about the book Prozac Nation, media, media, media. Tom Cruise saying that he doesn't believe in anti-depressants, whatev Tom, like anybody cares what you say anymore? Statistics, statistics, statistics, they don't mean a hill of beans if it does not work for you. If you knew how many med's I have been on you'd cry with me too. Addiction, yep, detox, yep, sick, yep, AWFUL, YEP! BTW: I tried the ala NATARALE route too right after detox, that catapulted my very worst bout of mania!

Find what works FOR YOU. Put that HILL of BEANs where it counts... on you. You might have to put your pride aside, not might, you will, if you're honest. Forget about what everyone else is saying all around you, and get quiet enough to figure it out with YOURSELF, and you may want to call on that Big Man in the Sky...on a personal note He's worked miracles for me, many times.