Treatment and Hope for Depression

 The results are in!..or at least i hope they are.

Two months ago i began an all out effort to treat my dark depressive episodes. I had begun TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) and an 8 week meditation course.

Shortly after i started this i really started feeling better. Call it placebo, or whatever, but the fact is i did feel and believe good things were to come of my efforts.

I finished TMS this week after having 34 treatments. I did get used to the procedure and was able to finish with the goal of 72 as the most effective measurement. I started at 51. I used music to distract me from the discomfort of the treatment, and 3 minutes would go by rather fast.

I was given a survey on a regular basis to monitor and measurme my mood, my sleeping and my eating habits. I started out pretty low and finished with stellar results. I do feel different, i just do not know how to explain it.

There is a differnce between chemical and situational depression. Situational depression will improve as circumstances in life improve. Chemical depression comes on, triggered by what?..sometimes nothing. I could feel the difference. Chemical depression shattered all hope and enjoyment out of life for no particular reason.

I'm not sure what the future brings but i am now hopeful that the crushing depressive episodes from my past are gone. Time will tell.

EMDR has been (still having sessions), interesting. My first session was emotionally draining. Subsequent sessions have been ok. The goal is to reprocess traumatic events from the past and let them go. I can honestly say that i do not live in the past any longer. When i think of my past i have good and bad memories. I'm sure everyone is that way. The painful things in my past are just part of my story and i can let it be in the past. For the most part i do not harbor bad feelings towards many...there are still a couple. I am working on that.

Meditation is absolutely AWESOME! I look forward to getting in bed every night and just, well just having a present awareness of my body, my breathing and my thoughts. Meditation is not about not thinking because thoughts just naturally come and go, but it's different when you are in a meditative state. You let the thought go and then revert your thought back to a present awareness of your body. I do a 33 minute body scan. Sometimes i fall asleep. My goal each night is to relax and be in a grateful state of mind for my life.

The final thing that i have added to my life is nightly devotionals with my love, Kevin. We read from 4 books each night. Jesus Calling, Jesus Listens, Stillness Speaks and the Bible. This gives us time to connect with each other and connect with our Higher Power, God.

I'm happy. I'm hopeful and in the best place i have ever been with my business and with my relationships with my loved ones and with myself.