Oceans of Blue

I have been on a cruise to Mexico for the last 7 days. The cities and views have been beautiful. But the ocean, ah the ocean! As I sit on this ship the sea goes forever…I feel somewhat blue inside. I have many changes coming in my life – again. My baby goes to college. They call this “empty nest syndrome." It’s actually a syndrome, ooooh! I actually love change in my life, but I have had a lot of it lately and what I anticipate will be big. No matter I will adjust. I always do. I believe things are as they should be. Life is a roller coaster, you ride a roller coaster, you do not steer it.

As a parent you receive more joy watching your children blossom, become their own person and grow to be who they were meant to be. My children are absolutely doing that. I have never made them dependent on me. They have been self sufficient from a very early age. Partly out of necessity, because I worked and partly when I was sick. They never minded, they liked the independence and enjoyed the confidence I had in them. They still had rules and always stuck to those rules with great respect. For this I am both grateful and honored to be their mother.

So I feel blue. I have cried every day while on this trip. It has not been from chemical depression and it is not that I have been all that sad. It is just emotion. I am emotional…and proud of it, I feel life. I wanted to go to an orphanage while I was in Mexico and knew I just was not strong enough emotionally. I would have cried myself to a migraine (I have already had 2 on the cruise). Blue is not so bad. Dark grey and black…awful, the not get out of bed kind, horrible. I have gotten out of bed easily, happily, went to bed when I wanted, read when I wanted, in fact this trip has been do anything you want, when ever you want, however you want. I came with my son and his friends, guess who my son spent his time with? Which was exactly as I expected. I got plenty of sleep, he got about –none. He had the time of his life. I had an experience of a lifetime. We will both cherish our time in Mexico forever. The oceans of blue will be locked in our hearts always.