How DO you get rid of Crabgrass???

I was raised in the country. It seems many people had problems with crabgrass. Was there an answer? Not really, you tried to kill it off and start over. It is the dreaded plague ewe....

When I first read An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison I was convinced I was not manic depressive. Maybe more so I was scared speechless that I never could conceive I could have such a devastating illness such as THAT! I went to my first psychiatrist and convinced her of all the reasons that I could not possibly be bi-polar. She concurred. Nearly 3 years later, a nine month period in bed, a couple of high producing manic episodes and a statement in my counselors office that came out of my mouth such as, "I have been kicking butt and taking names and I just crashed", was the final realization, 'Lor, you have a problem!'

I picked up the book again after that and reread it. It was not so scary this time. My life had been scary those past few years. My mind had been quite violent. You get that way when your chemicals are out of balance. What I have come to realize and fully embrace is that it is not my fault. I am not embarrassed about it and I am not one bit ashamed to talk about it. I pity those who are and I am saddened by those who stick their heads in the sand and pretend that it does not exist. It exists all around them! Most families are just to prideful to admit it.

I take full accountability for myself and my actions. Particularly the part of taking my medication, seeing my doctors, and keeping myself knowledgeable about the illness and other mental illnesses as well. We fear what we do not know. I now understand how my brain works and there are chemicals that don't stay balanced without the help of the med's. I realize it is no different than a pancreas that does not make enough insulin to regulate blood sugar. However our brains are complicated and we need to do much more research to understand them more fully. Unfortunately those with mental illnesses stay quiet and suffer alone because of the stigma or the possible repercussions in the work place, not to mention the entire can of worms it opens with insurance.

My son Chase read Unquiet Mind just last week. This is a small portion of the letter he wrote to me following his reading the book...

...I see the similarity of the obvious things such as no sleep and accomplishing super human things when you are manic and then when you are depressed you feel hopeless and sad and wish you were dead. But interestingly I found that each of you, even though at times you wish you were dead, you never regretted being born. You made the separation. I also found it interesting that she knew life was something good and that there were things to be happy about and that the world wasn't all bad. I feel that you feel the same way. The last thing i noticed is that when both you and she are manic you get so many things going that when you drop and lose all energy and strength you are left with so much to do that you've started but can't get it finished so it places stress on you...I want to tell you how much more I've come to love you and appreciate you after reading these books. I love you and you are my hero. I can't say more about who my Mom is and that I'm Her son. Mom I love you and you are special. I thank you for your love towards me and the mother you've been. I couldn't imagine having somebody different for my mother.

My three sons have been amazingly loving and respectful towards me. My husband has been long suffering and patient. They have all suffered along with me. We now enjoy a quite normal life because we do understand this illness.

How do you get rid of this illness? You don't! You manage it! It can be managed just fine in many cases and you can enjoy the green grass...or you can pretend there is nothing wrong,blame it on everybody else, swing from high to low, make your family miserable and just be an all out crab. You choose.