Growing Forsynthia and Children Naturally

Forsythia are an extremely fast growing bush, up to one to two feet per year. The decision to prune or leave natural, is a matter of personal taste. It's also a function of where you've planted the bush. If grown in the yard singly or in small groups, they look stunning left to grow naturally. If grown as a hedgerow, or along foundations, pruning often is a requirement to maintain a neat and manageable appearance.

Forsythia are among the earliest of spring bloomers. You can force blooms indoors in winter. It will brighten up any room in the greyest and snowiest of winter days. Seems like a lot of information about a wildflower you may not be interested in unless you are a gardener or flower MANIAc...but I like metaphors.

My son is coming home from Florida today. Yellow is the theme for the weekend. It is happy and I am happy. I am also nervous because he embarks on a new phase of life and in a sense, so do I. Each time your child changes so do you as a parent. I have anticipated this day. I feel ill prepared, but I know that it is upon us and meant to be as it is.

Chase is 21 years old and has character and depth beyond most 21 year olds because of things he and our family has struggled with. We as a family are grateful for challenges we face. Chase has the ability to relate with people and extend his compassion for he has felt the depths of despair and humility himself. This is how life works...it comes full circle.

Chase is returning home 7 months before he had originally planned because unfortunately I have passed down some of this awful thing called a mood disorder. He has fought while in Florida and done so with immense honor and sheer gut. It is necessary now to redetermine a different medication for him. He was not on any medication when he left for Florida back in September of 2006.

His return comes with excitement for me and our entire family. It also comes with some trepidation for things that he will have to face. I suppose I could put him in a hedgerow, prune him often, and keep his appearance "neat and manageable". I choose not to do this for this child looks stunning left to grow...naturally. Just exactly the way he is!

Somewhere Over the RAINBOW

All THREE of my children have been on my mind non-stop this past weekend. This song has special meaning to me and low and behold my sister sent this beautiful video to me this morning...needless to say, the tears flowed.

My son drove back to college last night on bad roads. I let him take my car because his car has bald tires. He sent a text when he arrived safely, with an additional, "Thanks for being the biggest sweetheart in the world. Love you so much." How lucky am I to get that from my 18 year old BOY!? I had a terrible dream last night that my oldest son called me and could barely speak in the phone and then the phone went silent. I was frantic with fear. I have felt helpless as my son has been in Florida when I knew he was suffering and there was nothing I could do.

Yes, I could let my son take my car (and drive his junker for a week, big deal). But I can't drive the car for him. Believe me I thought about driving him home, but then what would he drive all week? Ewe, mother that is co-dependent! We cannot live our childrens lives and we cannot do things for them. We cannot protect them from mistakes, heartaches, illness, or accidents that may even take their lives. This dream I had last night made me feel tremendous compassion and a glimpse of the darkness my dear friends who lost their daughter last year in an accident may have possibly felt.

Parenting is a tough job. It is filled with ups and downs. But what is the alternative? You take the sadness with the happiness. You would never know such deep and pure love without raising children.

I remember the day I had T.J., my first born. I called my mother and cried and said to her..."I never knew you loved me this much."

When it rains, the sun shines through and there are RAINBOWS. I believe those rainbows are beautiful tender children sending love to their parents who have passed before their TIME...

What These Feet Feel In the Yellow Florida Sun

These "Jordan Kicks" were on my sons feet out in Florida on a P-day where he is serving a mission for our church. Florida is supposedly the SUNSHINE state. I equate sunshine with happiness and the color YELLOW with being happy. As in everything Florida has taken its fair share of rain and hurricanes. As for me, I would never choose to live in Florida. Our family vacationed there and had a blast. Live there? I'll pass. I suppose it is what we get used to...I kind of like the four changes of seasons where I live.

Grey skies...they come...and they come unfortunately to those families who have inherited this awful thing called mental illness. My brave and stalwart son has battled some depression out in the mission field as he has served in Florida. Again we are not a family that is ashamed of this medical issue, however we still fight the battle of ignorance all around.

Missionaries walk and they walk a lot, or they ride their bikes. They do have access to a car on occasion to get to certain destinations. Getting out in the fresh air and exercise is especially good for depression. This has been documented and proven time after time, however when the depression persists beyond several weeks there is no exercising, praying, thinking, dieting, or perfect living this stuff away. You need help and you need humility. I say humility because it is usually pride that keeps us from saying, "I need help, I can't seem to get over this feeling." If you ever find yourself saying that, don't waste another precious day, getting help is easier than you think. Everyone's path for healing and feeling better is different. Reaching out is your first step.

I wish that each of us could walk a mile in 10 other peoples shoes...maybe some Jordans, some military combat boots, ballet shoes, or possible rags because shoes were not affordable or even available. I believe we would then look at the world through different eyes because of what our feet felt. But it is so easy to get self-absorbed. Another way to help with depression is to help someone else...however it is well known that you cannot give away what you do not have yourself.

A message to my son...I love you more than words could possibly say. When your feet hit the streets of Florida, though they may be heavy, carry on for you are a strength and example to many. Your heart may ache for the comforts of home, but there are others who will never go home at all. Your mind may twist and turn with grey thoughts that tear you down and tell you that you are worth very little, but remember my son you were preserved and given another chance in this life, you were meant to SHINE ON!!!

White Masks We Hide Behind

Not so sure my son would be happy about me posting this pic of the little home facial that I'm giving him, but I'm betting he never really knows about it!

I'm an esthetician by trade, a mother by heart, a friend by soul, and a human by nature. I've put a lot of masks as an esthetician on people over the years to hydrate, oxygenate, moisturize and energize. But my personal favorite is the kaolin clay mask. This type of a mask dries on the skin and helps to purge the pores of all the debris that has been trapped that causes you to break out.

Over the years as I have performed many facials on people my rewards were always so far beyond the temporal gains because of the way I was able to share and relate with so many people. There was often times more purging of the soul than purging of the pores. Not exactly sure how, or why, but people often trusted me early and often. I am grateful for that and I feel they had every reason, for I cared very deeply for them and I never broke a confidence.

After being in the beauty industry for over 25 years now I have now moved to a different sector of business. I learned very early in the beauty industry that beauty was just about having the skills and the know how to put it all together. I guess when I think of all the years I spent in our salon, the work I am most proud of is that if I lifted someones spirits enough so that they felt as though they were beautiful and worthwhile just as they are...no mask necessary...no makeup, no hairstyle...no nothin'. In fact I love them that much more, more purely and easily when they didn't have to be perfect.

We wear a lot of masks in our lives. We don't recognize that we do. I believe we have to wear many different hats in our lives, the chauffeur hat, the chefs hat--I liked my dog trainer hat, but why so many masks? Do the masks we wear beget themselves from fear derived from within ourselves (internally) or outside (externally)? Personally speaking mine have come from both. My awareness of these particularly recently and my desire to clean my face has helped me to work on breaking free. It's a scary thing. I have come to realize how comfortable certain masks are. Just as a blanket is when it is cold.

Here are some lines from a song that I love...
Another Place to Fall by--KT Tunstall
There isn't much more I can say
For I don't understand the delay
You're asking for friendly advice
And remaining in permanent crisis
Affection is yours if you ask
But first you must take off your MASK
When you're back's turned I've decided I'll throw it away just like I did

I wash my face every day. Actually twice a day, I still break out. I still use a white kaolin clay mask too and I have other masks because I fear, I fear a lot of things...but I'm working on it.

Mr. Brown Eyes Old Soul in Manhattan

After spending a week in Manhattan and I'll have to admit missing the dogs...I thought about how fun it would be to have Mr. Dozer with me as I so anxiously perused the streets of New York all week.

When I am home I can just look at this dudes old soul and by intuition know what his simple, gentle mind is thinking. And often times the two of us have great conversations! You would love his deep slow dopey voice. It is rather endearing. I actually have learned quite a bit from him even though he is just a dog and a dumb bulldog at that!

I can just imagine~~~walking down 5th Avenue with Mr. Dozer and he would say, "Hey wud everybudy hurry-n-bout? I HERE!!!"

Why does everyone hurry in New York? And why do you feel you DO NOT MATTER?

Something else Dozer would say, "Gram, peoples wear lotta cool stuff but I not know who THEY are. My spike collar cool but I still Dozer when you take it off."

And another thought..."Gram why you not go sing with that guy!?"

I'm going to leave that one alone. Rhyming, pitch, tone, not necessary just sing their name...a lot. Guaranteed dogs LOVE it and you. No matter what!

Last one. "Why I not see anybudy laughing real loud like you do Gramog?"

Doz the streets are awfully cold this time of year and incidentally we (my sis & i) ended up warming up in the women's bathrooms and sharing a few belly laughs.

...As I entered my stall, hung up my coat and other gear, and got settled on the commode, no sooner did this flash of photos from under the next stall come with a bragging voice saying, "Would you like to see my grand kids?" We busted up in this public bathroom hysterically laughing as I quickly popped to the picture on my iPhone whipped it under on her side and said "Would you like to see my Grandogs?" Which brought on more fits of laughter that may be quite foreign to New Yorkers. Yes, I will absolutely admit it was rather juvenile for us 45 & 50 year old women to be carrying on this way but this would have made my Brown Eyed Old Soul Dozer happy.

Simple things are priceless.

My Big BLUe Berry Pie Mouth

Oh my I have been acting not so smart! In fact all this awareness that I speak of...ummm, not doing so well. I certainly did not wake up and think, "How am I going to enable this that is really not good for this person I love so much?" I did not see it! My heart is good, at least I think it is. Sometimes emotions are just SO strong and we do what we think is best given the information we have at hand, and where WE are at emotionally at the time, plays into it as well. I'm not perfect and last time I checked you didn't have to be either. Now there's a consolation.

How difficult it is to be a parent sometimes and yet it is the greatest joy we will ever know...and suffer. And we do it willingly and we would do it over and over again because of the great reward of the purest love their is of parent and child.

Maybe in your circumstances it does not seem this way. It can also be the cause of one of the most painful and confusing unresolved issues that we deal with or rather do NOT deal with over a life time. I believe if we don't deal with it at some point and fix it, it gets handed down from generation to generation. Thus the label dysfunctional family was born! I haven't met a dysfunctional family I haven't liked. Come to think of it I haven't met a family that is not dysfunctional!

I'm so sorry for the dumb things I have said and done lately. I am sometimes a 'know-it-all' in some areas of life, other areas I'm as dumb as a rock. I just got humbled and as my husband says (or some sports talk show host that he listens to too much ;)) SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE! In which he knows I really would much rather eat a big piece of BLUe berry pie!