A Rare Woman

My Mom was 14 years old when she married my Dad and had my sister. Can you image? 14! The first time my Dad saw her she was standing on the steps at her elementary school. He thought she was a teacher! My parents stayed married for 37 years (something rather rare these days). My young mom provided a wonderful childhood for me and my sister and brother.

My mom went to work full time when i was 2 years old and she worked for 3 different companies, the last being my business, Phazes Salon & Day Spa. She worked for Phazes for 24 years. Few people have that track record; certainly not in today's world.

There are few women i revere in this world, my Mom is one. She's a principle person, she says what she thinks and she lives as she believes. I find this rather rare, certainly in today's world.

When my Mom was my age she lost the 3 most important men in her life, her husband, son and father. She still got out of bed every day, came to work, served others and mourned privately.  Dignity and privacy in our world today?..i find it rare.

It's her 74th birthday today and I would be hard pressed to give her a tribute that would measure the love, respect and admiration i have for her. In my very darkest of hours in life, it was always her i have turned to.

My wish for others is that they have a good woman in their life like i have...love you Mom!

Yep, my mom-- a rare woman...

Recent fun outing with Grandkids

Let Go and Believe

Life can be so colorful.

You Live, you Learn, you Let go, and you become Stronger...

... and if You CHOOSE to believe that life is beautiful..

Then it is.

or it will be,

 just keep believing...

WHAT'S GOING ON? Part 2

I suppose you can find a representation of all kinds of personalities on the internet; those who are constantly blowing sunshine up your butt, those who are constantly complaining, those who are constantly on a political platform, those who are constantly proselyting, those who are angry, so it's not just the look-at-me characters that may want to view their own news feed, ALL (including myself) of us should take a personal check of our internet etiquette. 

If you want to know what is important to someone  (or what you project to the world) you might just want to take a look at your own pics and posts. This sounds judgmental on my part! And it is! Don't get me wrong, i love knowing where people stand on life issues, family celebrations and sharing something that touched them or made them laugh, but family arguments, divorce celebrations and overall dogma? maybe some discretion would be better? but that's just my thought. The internet is a powerful thing and has changed our world FOREVER; for good and for bad.

Now i can't just point the finger at the younger generation because i see my generation, where our trophies become our children and grandchildren, intentions..while they may be good, can borderline as just more narcissistic ways to say, "look how great I am!" Don't get me wrong, because i do it too; i am proud of my family, soooo.. if i over-share, please give me a gentle reminder!! 

In closing, i will share a Facebook post made in July 2015 by Tandin, (yep, my son) who is a very wise and grounded  26 year old kid.

He says:

"We are in the infancy of social media and large scale instant communication. Anyone with an internet connection can voice their opinion. This is unprecedented in our history and didn't even exist when I was in junior high. We are still figuring out online etiquette and norms. I believe over time there will be an understood way of handling yourself online, but right now we are in the toddler phase of online conduct.  

I have silently read through a ton of facebook and news article comment sections this past week. This past week is something Americans have never experienced before. It is the first historical event where pretty much everyone has an opinion and many have vocalized that opinion. I would imagine we would have seen a lot of the same rhetoric during segregation and other polarizing events had social media existed back then.  

My point in posting this is to voice my opinion. I wish we wouldn't be so quick to anger (and I say 'we' because I am including myself). The moment you get angry is precisely the moment that you lose, regardless of your stance. I wish more people would think twice before posting their comments. You can absolutely voice your view, but maybe take a little time to think about it first. Whether or not your name is attached to your post there is still a consequence. That consequence may not directly affect you, but it may affect those who read it.  

I would hope that you are not motivated by fear. The media has done a pretty good job at scaring the masses. But the truth is that crazy and horrible stuff has been happening since forever, you now just have a platform to see it all. The world is a pretty great place if you shut off the tv and close your browser.  

What this world could use is a bit more compassion.  

It's time to grow up from the toddler stage of online discourse. My bet is we'll look back twenty years from now and think our behavior was embarrassing.  

I honestly don't care what your political and religious views are as long as you are respectful to me and the people around you.  

So that's my opinion about all of the recent events. Oh, and please have your pets spayed or neutered."

WHAT'S GOING ON? Part 1

I took Tandin (my youngest son) to dinner last night and we had a very insightful and enlightening conversation about social/media--the internet--

Now one thing i won't do is go into a diatribe as to how "when i was a kid..." We've all heard the stories...

I will however take this opportunity to share what i learned. 

1) There's a dating app called "Tinder" where you can swipe right if you are interested and left if you are not. Apparently this forum has defined what the urban dictionary calls, --dating up-- which is dating someone higher on the social ladder than you. Now this social ladder is solely based upon appearance (obviously). 2) On the app called "Instagram" which is a pictorial type of Facebook, it is better to have more people following You than how many you follow. So..this forum is about sharing your picture perfect life in such a way that even people who have never met you "follow" you because your life looks exciting, glamorous and perfect.  

Huh? Last time i checked, at least what Reality i know, is people have problems! People have challenges, sad times, lonely times, and a myriad of other realities (most of which are not appropriate to air on social media). I am genuinely concerned when our teachers are reporting that our children are becoming socially backwards; where they know everything about each other (or what is projected on the internet), yet have no clue who that person really is!

Someone recently reminded me of the "brag letter" i wrote many years ago, customarily sent out at the end of the year, culminating all the great things my family had done. My letter was prompted and written in satire because of how i wanted to throw up from the many brag letters i had received, so... i wrote my version of bragging, a few of the highlights were: "we were thrilled our son was clean from a 7 year addiction to drugs--my med's had finally kicked in and i had come out of a deep dark depression--another son didn't make the basketball team and learned one of the best lessons in life, how to lose--we hadn't accumulated any more debt--and the highlight--Dozer hadn't pooped in the house! Every bit of this was truth. 

Uhhh, ok, Dozer probably DID poop in the house! He's definitely feeling guilty and in trouble.

I am saddened and shocked by how our society functions in this "virtual reality." I am particularly concerned for our young people where the emphasis is on image and appearance, i.e., what vacation they just took where they can flaunt their over-pumped-up muscles, flat abs, gaunt cheeks, designer clothing and the spectacular lives they lead--like all the time! Really, all the time? 

To be continued...

Simplicity IS Happiness

Who needs toys when there are so many things to play with!

Toxic Medicine

I remember the days when i was always, and i mean always in a hurry. Even if i appeared calm on the outside, my head was telling my body it needed to DO more, which generally manifested itself in a lot of back pain. Oh sure there were medical/physical reasons for my pain, and the pain was absolutely real, but my stress level exacerbated it to a whole new level. And the pain medicine numbed the pain, but the pain always came back..

What i realize now is how my hurried life kept me in mental and physical pain, which kept me from having any real intimacy with the ones i love..which left me lonely..which was created by my own doing. Ahhhh, the vicious circle!

Intimacy--being vulnerable to someone can be one of the most frightening things we do--and certainly one of the most fulfilling experiences we can have in this life...if we dare. Those who are constantly in a hurry or preoccupied with DOing instead of Being, isolate themselves and often times alienate their relationships. I see the pursuit of constant achievement as just another addiction that keeps us in our own heads while missing what could be shared with another.

I think about all the many types of addictions that enslave us, whether they be drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, shopping, eating, lying, as just Self Destructive Behaviors (what i call sdb's) that bring pain to ourselves..and what is doubly sad, to those we love and who love us.

Eckhart Tolle said that "every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain."I suppose our addictions, as well as our hurried and busy minds, are a means of self-medicating, but the medicine is almost always toxic!

I like the pace of my life now. I'm often busy but never in a hurry.

Laughter is Contagious

Suffering and the Ego

Tomorrow i turn 53. Birthdays are a good time to reflect. I started writing this blog over 8 years ago. Chase, one of my boys, was on a church mission and i wanted to stay connected and share life lessons, family tales and every day epiphanies that would help him through his journey. He suffered terrible homesickness. I also hoped my other boys would read my entries, it was my way of preaching...without preaching.

In the 8 years since i began writing, life has whipped and turned, toppled and triumphed over so much life that i marvel how God works in our lives to teach us exactly what we need to learn! I have experienced the highest of highs in life; and the lowest of lows. I have been open and candid about my journey, hoping to help others in theres.

The year i turned 40 was a memorable one and i will never forget coming across this passage that had such a meaningful impact on me then..and now..

Eckhart Tolle

It's kind of a deep thought, one that requires some time to ponder. It's that last line, "until you realize it is unnecessary", that gives me such pause. Suffering in this life IS NECESSARY, and then when the ego has burned up, which means the lesson has been learned, acceptance has taken place, and humble reverence for the journey is felt, well, THEN, it IS UNNECESSARY! 

In my opinion there does seem to be a preponderance of suffering in some people's lives. Why? I have no idea? Some would say it is self-inflicted. Maybe? And some suffering just IS...and then it ISN'T. Hold on if you're suffering, because it's happening for a reason, look for the reason. And when you find it, let it go...it has served its purpose.

Dedicated to my Mom. She has suffered much, endured well and has no ego. She has been the one consistent person in my life who has cared for me during my darkest hours of suffering. She has earned her place in heaven. Thank you Mom.

Life Comes Full Circle

For some reason Collin's mannerisms and behaviors make me absolutely laugh out loud on a regular basis. We have a group text in our family where we share pictures...Between the mischievious looks on Collin's face and his tuft of hair that sticks straight up, he keeps us all in stitches.

There is a striking resemblance here!

A homemade card from Gma Shirley (my Mom)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Chase's fav growing up) Smash Cake made by Gma April

As much as i laugh at this child, he can also bring me to tears...happy tears, grateful tears. 

Looking up at Uncle Tandin

Sharing with Uncle T.J.

Father & Son

 

Today when I gave Collin his first Oreo cookie my mind raced back to the day that Chase had his first Oreo cookie. The day we nearly lost him. I took Chase to the bathtub to clean him up, i turned on the water, and the phone rang. It was a business phone call and i completely forgot that Chase was in the tub with the water running. The horror did not hit me until i hung up the phone. I ran to the bathroom and found him floating face down in the tub, completely lifeless and blue. I pulled him out and frantically screamed for help all the way to the neighbors house with his limp body slumped over in my arms. My good neighbor Dave was home and told me to call 911. When 911 answered i screamed, "my child has drowned, help me, HELP ME!" The dispatcher, Karen, calmly proceeded to talk me though CPR, and Chase regained consciousness. We spent the night in the hospital for observation and miraculously Chase suffered no brain damage. 

I tell this story with horrible shame for my stupidity and neglect. Losing Chase would have devastated so many lives. Chase's life was preserved for a reason..and Collin is the reason. 

Chase and i have had many confirming moments as to the incomprehensible love and bond that you have for your children. Life is precious. Family is eternal. This life can be so hard at times. And then the sweetest simplest tender moments emerge, and you see that, as i have said so many times...life comes full circle...

Thank you to all the boys in my life, T.J., Chase, Tandin and Collin. You make my life worth living.

God's Warriors

I had a short email conversation with a good friend last night and his last words to me were.... 

“God gives the fiercest battles to His strongest warriors.” 

This past year two of my very best friends have lost children. I believe it goes without saying that to bury a child is not the natural succession of life, but it does happen, and trying to make sense of it is beyond this life’s understanding.

Recently I have read several books on NDE (near death experience). It has brought me peace and a faith that heaven is all around us and loved ones watch over us continually. I believe that there are no “coincidences” and if we allow life to unfold and willingly embrace the good and the bad, it is then that we realize everything has a purpose.

And so i say, if you have faced tragedy, loss, disappointment and fear, you have experienced what it is to be human, for i know no one who has not. Sometimes it may seem as though some face insurmountable challenges, and it is to those i say, "You Are God's Warrior's!" 

Facing Fears

When i was a little girl i was absolutely frightened of the Boogie Man! Before going to bed my Dad would carry me through the entire house and i would watch him look under every bed, in every closet and the "dark room." The dark room was especially scary. Eventually the assurance from my parents that i was safe helped me to overcome my fear.

Up until 5 years ago I had hardly ever slept alone. I purposely selected an apartment on the 3rd floor when i became single because i was still frightened of being alone at night. Eventually i got over that too.

What are your biggest fears? Failure? Being alone? Not being loved? Losing all your material possessions? Losing your health? Losing your sight? I've had all these fears at one time or another.

The first time i looked into Zion's cloudy eyes I panicked. And i cried. I have watched Zion's eyes get progressively worse, i watch her bump into things, try as she might jump on our bed, and if i don't stay within hearing distance of her in unfamiliar places she gets disoriented. I have wondered if she is frightened? This is Zion as we left work last week (yes she goes to work with me everyday)!

Zion will be 13 on September 12th. She is actually as spunky as ever in familiar places. I have spent more consistent hours with her than anyone in my life and it is hard to imagine living life without her.  I know that day will come..and i will mourn..and i will get another dog. She will never be replaced, but i will share the unconditional love and companionship she taught me with another special dog.

And so as Zion faces fear, i too face the fear of being without her. She has brought me joy, peace, comfort, companionship and unconditional love.

But life goes on. And while Zion's steps are unsure and winding down..Collin's my first grandchild's is just winding up. His first steps were wobbly and unsure, he faces his fear, falls down, and then gets right back up. The circle of life is consistently moving. Facing fear is part of living.

You can hear Collin's fear and then his Dad, my Chase, tell him, "good job." Yes, the circle of life.

Live in the Moment

Nearly one year ago my first grandchild was born. A memory forever etched in my mind was of my daughter-in-law Lauren sitting up in her hospital bed, turning on playlists for delivery. After the relaxing, spiritual music didn't seem to accelerate the progress of Collin's arrival she took measures further and played her "motivational labor and delivery playlist." The playlist started out with the song by Salt N Pepa, "PUSH IT, PUSH IT REAL GOOD." Play a few bars and then imagine a very pregnant (41weeks) beautiful young lady after 17 hours of hard labor (4 more hours to go) getting her groove on. 

Now one of the things that draws me to another human being is humor. For some reason Collin's mannerisms and behaviors make me smile, even laugh out loud regularly in delight. Collin has a little tuft of hair that sticks up..and it has just become one of those things that makes him, well him. 

This is Collin's parents kind of humor, scary but there is some resemblance!

Collin is a happy baby, he requires a lot of stimulus

 and seems to be moving constantly when his eyes are open.

 ...and there are those times when things just don't go his way and his emotions are in full display..

Now what I absolutely love and only wish that 

everyone could share

 is this wide range of emotion and passion for life.

And so I ask--what happens to us? and when does it happen? It seems as though around the age of 7 or 8 self-awareness kicks in and human beings start comparing themselves with others, coveting what others have, stressing about the future or regretting what happened yesterday; and the innocence and simplicity of life as we know it becomes more complicated.

Unconditional Love and Acceptance

How beautiful would life be if we could unconditionally love, and live in this moment soaking in every bit of living for what it's worth, and see eye to eye with complete acceptance of one another..ahhhhh, yes and what would our world look like then?

Dating is an Art Form

Dating at this stage of life is..well…..interesting, funny, fun, disappointing, enlightening and amusing. It can be exciting, frustrating, depressing, lonely and shocking.

Here’s an email I received recently by a geographically challenged gentleman:

“Hey baby I need a date and you’re close by.” OMG, I laughed so hard when I got this! Who actually thinks this line is going to really get them a date? Compatibility? Attraction? Nope, Convenience! 

And another from someone I reconnected with from years ago:

“If you're interested in re-confirming feelings that compelled us to act years ago ... I am.” Seriously? Bad people from the past end up being bad people in the present. No surprise, just surprised I actually fell for it for another short minute.

This one was text to me after I shared my phone number:

“I’m going to send you an email before we meet so you know more about me before we commit to anything.” Commit? Who said anything about committing? It’s just lunch.

Another text after I did not respond in a timely manner:

“I know when I’m being blown off.” Really? Maybe you don’t, because you keep texting me!

And then the delightful and polite thank you:

“I had a nice time and I’d like to see you again.” Nice. Not too pushy. Sweet, inviting.

This one came after some rather clever emails and texts exchanged:

"Are we in love yet? Let me know." Funny. I like this guys sense of humor.

Oh, and least I forget this one:

“Baby I love you and we’ll be together as soon as I return to the states. My credit card was stolen and I was hoping you could wire me $1,900.00..” SMH (shake my head) I was born at night, but not last night!!

Yes dating is an art form.

Arrogance is Ugly

Enough said.

Risks

I am a risk taker, albeit maybe less now than in years past. Life lessons do have a way of tempering spirits with the highest of highs and lowest of lows.

At 23 I was full of passion for getting ahead in the world of business. I met challenges with confidence and aggression. At 33 I was in the midst of raising 3 active-gregarious boys, taking on a second business location..and..facing internal battles inside my head about God and religion. The faith of my youth was being challenged and I was in utter confusion. At 43 I was still in a heap of confusion over spiritual things and my feisty enthusiasm for the almighty dollar and prestige was beginning to wane. What I wanted most of all was peace. Peace. Just to Be.  

At 48 I left everything that was familiar and secure to me to excavate what I believed--or did not believe--and what I wanted in love. I fully expected that this risk would pay off…and now…as I approach 53 I find myself in a good place with much less stress than what my life was accustomed to, and just maybe feeling I have found what I’ve been looking for. I have simplified my life in every way, throwing out or giving away old ideas, things and beliefs.

In my life I have experienced so many manifestations that life comes full circle. These days most of my hours are spent working for my son in his auto dealership and body shop. I may have been a risk taker in my day, but T.J. is a risk taker on steroids! I now understand what my mom went through as she worked for me for 24 years. I have learned so much from my son--like I said--full circle. I have learned the greatest lessons from my 3 boys, each different, each unique and each equally and unabashedly loved. These boys have been patient with me and have supported me during some excruciating pain, that’s what happens when you love deeply.

So I return now, full circle, to matters of the heart and risk for what I believed long ago, to Live, Laugh, and Love with reckless abandon. Ok- forget the reckless.