Tomorrow's Surprises!

A year and a half ago on May 9, 2011 i wrote a blog titled "Until Tomorrow." My closing statement was "I don't know what's ahead, no one ever does, but i trust and move forward with complete faith and optimism for what ever the future holds is..... "as it should be."

Three months later, August 20th, i posted another blog as a follow up entitled "It's Tomorrow."
Little could i fathom the twists and turns, falls and surprises my life would take...

A week or so after my first post "Until Tomorrow" i was sitting in our living room when my husband of 27 years approached me about my indifference towards him and said "we should get a divorce." I agreed. There was little discussion or fighting by then. He had scheduled a few sessions of marriage counseling some years prior, too much, too little, too late, i was exhausted. I'm sure he was exhausted as well, at least for a couple of months.


He went to stay at a nephews cabin for a couple of weeks. I then chose to move out of our home of 18 years. I felt it was the best decision for all concerned. Four months later it was necessary for me to move again; into a 3 room space in my fathers building above my business. It's a comfy place and i now call it home.

My home one year ago 

My living room

My bathroom

My bedroom

Those were some tough, albeit funny times and I'm grateful this Christmas season to not be living amongst a construction zone and sleeping on an air bed. Although PAC loved the obstacle course it provided....

I've always said "you can do anything if you know there's an end in sight." One year ago i had spunk, stamina, guts...and i had no idea what tomorrow's would bring. Like i said, none of us do...

I've come a long way baby from that dusty disaster! I love sleeping on a mattress and I love my jetted tub i got on KSL for $400 bucks. I also laugh about the night i woke up after, who knows how many hours, as i had fallen asleep on that toilet. My long legs worked very nice as a pillow that night.

I hate pity, I hate people to feel sorry for me or for anyone, for that dis empowers all of us. Compassion, empathy, Yes! Entitlement, whining--I've seen the victim role played out in so many ways i could gag; and I've played it before, and I discovered this profound truth, it produces NOTHING! Surprise!

Other profound truths: ...nothing is fair about: unexpected or unexplained death of a loved one or divorce. I've experienced both and it does not matter how you slice it or dice it...if hurts! You love someone and they're gone, at least from this life = PAIN. And if you've been through death or divorce and you did not hurt you are one cold person or you're in denial. Now none of this means you cannot pick up the pieces and have a good life or even a better life? Heavens no! Suffering is necessary--until it is unnecessary (you have to think about that).

People pretend all the time...and i have no problem with the motto "fake it till you make it!" I also have come to know "you think you know people, and then they surprise you!" This year has been full of SURPRISES!

As i wondered back on May 9, 2011---

 3 questions to examine:

What's important to you?
What motivates you?
What do you fear the most?

i'll add 3 more questions this year:

What disappointments have you endured this year?
What surprised you about this disappointment, i.e. did you not expect this to happen?
What have you learned about your experience(s)?

After the experiences of 2011/12 I've learned a LOT! I hope your experiences have done the same for you.

Things change. People change (and sometimes they don't). You accept it/them, or you Don't. But move on, We Must.

I hope you do examine these questions-- and you live true...

 

Something

Something about this song always woos me. It has since loving it in the 70's.

I think i get it now.

Passions and Mourning and Living Part II

I'm a Believer that when we experience loss we have to go THROUGH it to become more healthy individuals.  

Mourning is a part of growth and a process of living. The five stages of grieving according to Kubler-Ross from one of my favorite books "Life Lessons" include: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, in no defined sequence.

I did not post a blog for over a month for i was, and still will be sifting through the 5 stages of grieving until it is done. I cannot say when that will be.

We all get many curve balls, fast balls, slow balls and sliders but in the game of living we adjust to what we are pitched, we swing and keep on...until we hit the home run.

In the previous post Passions and Mourning and Living  i shared "10 things on my Passionate list." Now i will share "10 things i mourn."

"10 things i Mourn"

1.   Those i love going to heaven.

 I AM happy for THEM.

2.   Families breaking down 

WHAT HAPPENS? and WHY???

3.   War and fighting

what IS the story of all these lives and deaths

and what do children learn when they see fighting?

 

4.   Religious self-righteousness and dogma

5.   Addiction

for those who face addiction and win, they have battled the demon and won thru humility and God's hand

6.   Poverty

WHY???

7.   Cruelty in any form 

WHY???

8.   Prejudice and unfair judgment

WHY??? They look happy. Am i not getting something?

9.   Being taken advantage of

(picture may be too personal to post)

10. Betrayal / being lied to

I have experienced all of these things to some degree, in one way or another, and many of you have also. If you have not, you will. If you have not consider yourself inexperienced in living, for these things ARE LIVING.

I wish you enough time necessary for mourning, so that living is more meaningful and compassion is your constant companion. Lori~

Passions and Mourning and Living

Are there some times when few words are necessary, because there is so much to be feeling? I have been going through times of great feeling lately. I do that. Do you?

I for one, can be verbose when passionate about One Thing, and equally reclusive when mourning another.

It is said we can learn from history to make our tomorrows better. And yet, all we really have is now, right now. And that can sound a bit confusing?! Ya, so tie that all up in a pretty little bow... and then make sense of it... Deepak Chopra where are you??

So i have made my list of things i am passionate about; whether they make up my past, present or future and whether the package is torn and tattered or neatly packaged with a pretty little bow, it does define me. What are you passionate about???

10 things on my "passionate list"...

1.  Letting my boys know they are loved unconditionally and amazing for being exactly who they are! They have grown to be ultra amazing and unique men.

2.  Being kind, genuine, authentic and NON-judgmental.

3.  God watches over us and life is eternal.

4.  Dogs were meant to be man's best friend, evidenced by-- they listen and love.

especially when they are in trouble

or want to learn to wash dishes
 with Grams.

5.  Good parents sacrifice. Great parents sacrifice everything. I have Great Parents.

6.  If you have a best friend in your life you are rich--and lucky--most do not. I am rich!

7.  Work hard, but try to figure out how to rest guilt-free.

8.  No one owes you a damn thing.

9.  Quality over Quantity.

10. Don't try to impress or put yourself above others. Phony people that gossip, SUCK.

"10 things I mourn"... to be continued...

Pictures and Perspective

Have you ever looked at something and wondered "If I shift my perspective will it change the outcome?" I'm definitely NO basketball player and no matter what perspective i have about my athletic abilities, basketball and i do not match up. 

And take the old rubics cube. I played with that thing for hours as a kid. My son figured it out quickly, his mind thinks like that. I like this paint idea. It's...creative!

 

Now these dimensional pic's are a bit easier for me. I see the face right off and shortly there after the word pops out. My eyes can see both perspectives easily. If you can't see the word, petition some help and share this simple yet profound message of perspective.

  Now here is an interesting perspective...a play by play action of Tabby (the yellow cat) moving in on the affection of the two calico's, and Smokey (on the side) cautiously staying out of all the action. What was going on here? It's interesting. Do animals share similar feelings-- emotion as we humans?

And finally, how beautiful and inspiring this man is to shoot for the moon, hold it in his hand and frame it all up so well, as though there is no distance...no distance whatsoever between him and the moon. Remember the moon is always the moon, we just cannot see all of it at times because of the way the light from the sun shines on it.

So it is with the way life experiences are. And all life experiences bring new perspective, if we are open to seeing the entire picture.

Always on Your Side

Butterflies are free to fly...

and also always on your side. Love those beautiful bugs with wings. ~

Don't Back Down

I am a believer that there are many things that happen in life that do have significant meaning, if we but look, listen and learn. After tonight i won't back down!

BE inspired. Watch this and... Stand Your Ground!

I have malice for no one. I am strong. I follow my conscience and stand up for what is in my heart. I wish the same for you in your journey!

Ignorance hurts

I'm angry too!! Those who don't get this are either in denial or thus far in life have not been touched by mental illness. I have. It hurts. Ignorance hurts.

Read this!

If we would have understood maybe my brother Dave would have enjoyed fishing with his son, watched his babies earn trophies, and laid his grandchildren on his belly.

Dave always patient for the biggest fish. Richard his son follows in his footsteps.

Jr. Prom and touting his basketball trophies.

Amanda lying on her Dad. Amanda now has 2 boys.

Peoples #3

I have been meeting some very interesting people. I suppose you can say I've been in the people business all my life and getting to know people, how to take care of them and please them is what has made my career so rewarding, amusing and sometimes just downright funny.

As i have observed and interacted with others, i find there are 3 different kinds of people:

1. Those who talk predominately about themselves, their family, and their experiences.
2. Those who may or may not talk about themselves, and they may or may not ask questions about you, they have their opinions but they guard them.
3. Those who share equally balanced conversation, both asking questions and listening as they share experiences, thoughts and opinions.

Peoples #1: the narcissists or over-achievers. These are those special humans we tire of. They have little self-awareness and believe the world revolves around them, their children and their families.

Peoples #2: the interrogators or enigmatics. These are those with curious and maybe calculating minds. Their silence keeps others in the dark.

Peoples #3: the sharers or reciprocates. These are those who are genuinely interested in you, your family and your life. They know the appropriate time to share to create a meaningful relationship and conversation. They know when it is time  to listen.

If you read my blog it's no secret I'm crazy about dogs. My grandogs are hilarious. PAC is now a fully grown one year old pup weighing in at 75 pounds. He lives in a small, in fact, very small apartment with my two youngest sons while they finish their college degrees.

PAC has a lot of energy, he's an American English Bulldog and we have learned, it reigns kamikaze pretty much where ever he goes. He's an active, happy, rambunctious kinda dude that needs a LOT of attention...and he gets a LOT of attention; but it seems it's never enough. Will he grow out of this? We do not know, we can only hope he matures into a well-balanced-take-his-spot position as the eldest of my grandpups with grace and dignity.

"Cayenne I'd like to tell you a little somethin' about ME PAC!"

"Nobody here to listen to me."

"PAC, I've already heard that story about you, I'm bored."

"God, everyone is gone, you listen don't you?"

"Grams, can i have a turn to talk, PAC is always talkin, about PAC."

It's fun for me to use my granpups to make a point.

I like being with Peoples #3. I hope i fall in the Peoples #3 category.

Remember why you're here

Remember why you're here.

And fall down on your knees.

Steppin' Up

To BE RESPONSIBLE! And whom are we responsible to i ask? Is it to our parents, boss, employees, children, spouses, siblings, friends, teachers, coaches? And what are we truly responsible for?

ahhh, if only it worked this way....

I will be drafting a "responsibility/ job description" for myself, my manager and my new to-be-hired front desk coordinator this weekend. After 25 years of business this is definitely no new task, but things change, in business and in life, so we go back to the drawing board, so to speak. If others change, I believe i step up to the plate and change too. It's not always easy, it is what is required for success and happiness. It's never about changing who we ARE or our integrity, it is about personal growth and taking on the challenges life sets before us.

I ask... "In life what am i really responsible for? Now? right now, because that's all that matters." Again things change. They always do. My boys are grown, does that make me less responsible as a mother? I think not! I just parent differently now. The days of reminding them to brush their teeth are over, if they haven't learned that by now, they ain't never be gettin' married cause they's be havin' bad breath! 

These days i talk with my boys several times a week, i know what is going on in their lives, what troubles them, what successes they are having, how their relationships are going, the days of 'shoulding' all over them are over. I mourn with them and i celebrate with them. I laugh with them and i cry with them.  My 3 boys live life deeply and i share it with them. How lucky and how blessed am i that they allow me in!

I had a conversation with a friend the other night, a truly wonderful friend. True friends are the ones who you can count on to be: in your face honest with you, not pass judgment, there for you during good times and bad, love you in spite of yourself, and above all, you know you can trust them to have your back--no matter what. These friends are few, Cherish them and be responsible to their loyalty.

I take care of myself now. All the Fall Guys have left, and in truth, there never really was one. In truth, be careful, cause there never really is, unless you believe in God.

A caution to women, you MUST have a means of taking care of yourself and your family if necessary...things change...and then again...some things never do, 

What's hiding be Hind the Expert?

  It is a Sunday afternoon; I sit peacefully in my living room with Zion faithfully at my feet.

 

Crazy times with fam at 4th of July parade

It has been a week full of fun, laughing, visiting family, talks with my boys, long hours working, disappointment and hope.

I have attended parades, parties,
been in a court room, conducted meetings, reconciled bank accounts, posted payroll and played affectionately with the Grandogs.

I have wondered...the Ups and down(er)s of life, "are we pro-active or re-active to them?" I ask myself this question and i ask it of those i choose to be involved with. You may do the same?

I live deeply and passionately, no matter the direction life is taking. I love life. I am blessed with spirit and challenges that exercise my strengths. I ask myself, "what and whom am i responsible to? How can i improve my life and positively effect and influence those around me?" Being pro-active in the affirmative to answering these questions make me happy, even if circumstances and situations are not perfect.

You JUST MAY not know EVERYTHING

I don't live in a perfect world. If you do, could you invite me in to visit for but a moment? Interesting question because everyone has their own definition of "perfect" and possibly, just possibly... everyone views it differently?! What i find interesting and quite comical in a room full of 'EXPERTS' on any given subject is, how arrogant and opinionated they may become!

To put oneself in another persons shoes is compassion. To evaluate or judge without experience is egotism.

As for me, I am approaching my 49th birthday with great zeal, knowing that the more i learn the less i know; the more life i face willingly the more authentic i become.





I wish you enough challenges to make you strong;

enough humble pie to teach you to cry,

enough sun and children in your life to make you smile...











and of course...a dog that pierces your heart so even when you're grumpy, you feel love. All ways.

















Lori~