Quality of LIfe Question

Woah, I'm glad that's over. Stomach virus hit both Tandin and me early Monday morning, just to welcome in a new semester of school. Kell had to leave work early on Friday, the darn bug had caught him there. And he thought he'd share with the other family members.

I cannot lie...was happy to lose a few lbs. Ridiculous.

I'm usually immune to stomach stuff, head problems are more my weakness. I can catch a headache any day of the week, but pass by when Kell has been laid out cold with the sweats...not this one. I'm a wimpy baby when it comes to nausea and things spinning when they're not supposed to. Laying by the toilet on cold tile, I just hate it. 

But let me share some insights as I laid in bed physically sick for 2 days:

1) Lying in bed is awful and days are long when your mind wants to get out of bed but your body won't let you.

2) Physical sickness is awful, but because there is usually an end in sight and you somewhat understand what is going on, you have more acceptance and others compassion.

3) If you are depressed (emotionally/mentally sick) and you cannot get out of bed, (do NOT judge this if you have never been there, you WON'T get it,) you cannot get out of bed physically, mentally, emotionally. You wish you could and you hate yourself for not being able to and it is a vicious circle.

4) This type of depression is so painful and so covert and many may not even recognize it for what it is. As a nation depression has been stigmatized as being weak. That is a myth.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from any type of depression here is my advise:

• treated yourself kindly 
• be aware of your SELF
• take inventory of your sdb's (self destructive behaviors) 
• reach out for some type of social support 
• be open to different medicinal approaches whether anti-depressants or naturopathic  
• seek professional help

If you ignore depression or any prolonged feelings of sadness, what quality of life do you have...and why are you not addressing it? Denial is not a coping mechanism; it's a cop out. I know, I've done it.

Dudes have Emo Too

Gary, and his 3 children that he raised as a single parent.

A very special man, a brother-in-law to me passed away suddenly last Thursday evening. Gary had a way with words and in fact had published two books. His first was titled, “Used Man.”  He was a great example of… “Like me as I am, and if you don’t, I don’t give a rats ass.” Wow, I love you Gary!

After writing “Thoughts in a box” I started to think about the difficulty culture has put upon men in expressing their emotions. Our society has pigeonholed and labeled our boys from inside the womb. Their toughness has been expected, and the labeling has stifled the idea that men don’t have, can’t have, or display emotion. What? Why? How can that be possible? Men are spiritual/emotional/human beings every bit as much as a woman! The last time I checked on the emo of the men in my life, when they were being REAL, these were the most beautiful, endearing, wonderful, and attractive times I have spent with them. Emo does not always come out so easily; again, we have conditioned one another that this is not the way it is “supposed to be.” Well, times change, we don’t have to act tough to be tough.  The most rigid and defensive individuals are usually the most insecure (thanks Dr. D. for helping me to see this)!

So here is the challenge, how do men in our culture feel safe and masculine and still know that emotion is not just acceptable but a beautiful thing to show? I don’t really expect them to write down their epiphanies on pretty paper and put them in a decorative box!

Like any cultural change it takes time, knowledge and understanding and I think we are moving in that direction in some ways and in others we may be moving far from it. Which way is your family moving in?

Dad on his last homeopathic treatment for the day.

As I have watched the change and growth in my boys over the years from the teens and now into their 20’s and T.J. is now 30, I see great strides of improvement. I attribute much of this due to the challenges that we have gone through and triumphed over together. I am seeing an outpouring of uninhibited love and expressed emotion with Kelly and his brother’s as they say farewell to their first sibling to pass away. And I have seen a delightful positive outpouring of expression to and from my father in our family as cancer has invaded his body. Panic began to overtake all of our thoughts when we first received the news of my dad's cancer. We felt an  an urgency of celebrating life and love… yet lest we forget, we do not and cannot ever know when our very special Dudes can be called home…

3 Degress of Depression Part II

Many years ago, during my first round of college I had a professor teach me about the I-BEAM. He asked what would you cross an I-beam for if it were spanned 1,000 feet in the air between two tall buildings? Would you cross it for a million dollars? Would a million dollars be worth risking your life? What if it was for a loved one in need?

I believe most of us would not give it a second thought and would be on our way to the other side. What if that one in need was actually you?

Can you recognize when you need help? Many people needlessly suffer because of living in denial? Or as I have said before… sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know. Awareness is key to living joyfully, if you have experienced any type of situational or chemical depression research shows that laughter really can be one of the very best medicines of all!

In our family we laugh at ourselves. You can choose to laugh or cry and it is a whole lot healthier to laugh and poke a little fun at things that hit close to home.  Kelly, my husband and I have been in the service business for a long time now and we have some great memories of dumb things we say… or ignorant things others say. Here’s one for the records-- 

 

Kelly’s was in the middle of coloring a ladies hair in our salon, and for some reason women have a tendency to bare their sole (and other things I might add) while this good looking man (my husband!) makes them look great. No doubt he encounters several TMI (too much information) situations regularly.  Well, Mrs. “Whogit” went on and on to Kelly about how “crazy” and how much she disliked her daughter-in-law because she was bi-polar and she did all kinds of strange things and she was hoping her son would divorce her.  Kelly stayed silent until she had finished her story and then politely said, “My wife is bi-polar…”

I have had similar situations, sometimes I set them straight, and sometimes I wait for them to leave and I have a good belly laugh about the ignorance of the my dearly departed “friend.”

They say Ignorance is Bliss? Huh?

Our Journey

It has been a journey, after 25 years together, it has definitely been a journey.

My husband, Kelly turns 48 today. We don't always celebrate these "HAPPY BIRTHDAY'S" anymore, for they seem to have sped up and now we say, like most people our age, "Where has all the time gone?"


If you do not watch/listen to the YouTube video, allow me just a few lyrics:


..."Faded wedding photographs"...My favorite, that's T.J. at 4 years old in the middle of us.



..."Our children all have grown"... Each their own person, on their way to a life. Their life was molded out of ours, but they each have chosen their own individual ways and we like that. We have allowed them individuality and an opportunity to express themselves. We hope without too much pressure to be anything more or less than who and what they are, and want to become.



..."Mountains we have climbed to get this far"......This one was memorable. A short hike, a picnic, some nice music, a long talk, and of course Zion, along for the journey.

..."We learned to take the laughter with the tears"...Enough said.

..."You stood by me, days and nights that I was gone"...I'm not talking about when I was out of town, it was all the times that my mind was not present. Again enough said.

..."You sacrificed, believed in me, and you stood strong...

..."Cause with our love there's nothing left to fear...

...After all these years...

Happy birthday honey and I will love you forever,
your Wildflower

Basic Beige and A Bagel

The color beige is under rated. I also think vanilla ice cream is under rated. Where would we be without vanilla ice cream or the color beige? You need vanilla ice cream to put with apple pie. If you don't have beige to offset black you could never appreciate the contrast. The simple things can make other things so profound.

My husband and I go for a bagel every Friday morning. We have been doing this for a few years now. When the weather is warm we take Zion (our dog) with us. There is a delightful group of ladies there quite often that we enjoy laughing with. These ladies adore my husband, love my dog and I think they like me too. It makes it fun!

I guess the funny thing is I have learned when I wake up on Friday morning, pull on a basic beige t-shirt and go get a bagel...well it's the simple things in life that I look forward to.

Kel orders the same thing each time, the Tasty Turkey, chips and a coke (even if it is 8:00 a.m.). I mix it up a bit. This is my husband, consistent, I have been able to count on him to be by my side not if but when I mix life up a bit! We have been married nearly 24 years. We opened our own business together nearly 21 years ago. And life has been quite a roller coaster ride. I tried to steer the roller coaster until I realized, roller coasters were meant to ride and enjoy the ups and downs.

Kel and I talk a lot now. All the kids are gone and we are enjoying a different stage of life. We have both changed. What was important to us in our 20's has changed now that we are in our 40's. What changes? Perspective in life is BIG! So big that it's the simple things that now mean the most to me. So aside from my Friday morning bagel date here are some more simple things I Love in no particular order: My dogs at the door in the throes of excitement when I come home. A bubble bath. A good book. Singing loud. A phone call, email or text from one of my boys. A cookie. Being in the mountains. A conversation with a friend. A hug. A kiss. A tear. A smile.

Most of these simple things are tender and free, but the bagel will set ya back about $13 bucks!

Midnight Blues with the Crickets

We have issues. They are getting to be serious. We have crickets living amongst us. Yes INSIDE our house!

Night #1: Kelly (my husband) and I suffer through. I am wondering now where our minds were? Were we expecting the other to get rid of the cricket? Did we think the cricket was going to crawl, jump, or walk out on his own, saying "I'm bustin' this place, these people are weird!" No way, this bugger is right under my side of the bed. I have the better hearing of the two of us. Kell has gotten up once during the night and looked for it in the family room. I shake my head and wonder again when he is going to break down and get that bell-tone hearing aide?

Night #2: Cricket starts whacking his little legs together making that perfect clicking sound. I stick my iPod in and sleep, somehow with a cacophony of instruments and voices and a cricket. Isn't this dangerous for a bi-polar person? I am a little on the "high" side right now. Don't want to be pulling any schizophrenic stuff now do we?? Too many sounds going on directly piped into my ear all night long may not be so good. Hummm.

Night #3: Dragging in from work at 10:30 at night. Proud husband proclaims, "I've got the cricket!" I am thinking oh thank goodness, this body mind and soul has got to have sleep! I am greeted by the pile of goodies that has been living under our bed conveniently with broom and dustpan nearby. Well, OK he must have been too tired to finish up the job! I'll just git her done. Lights out. Mr. cricket is baack. IPod in. YOU try to catch the SOB!! Believe me I have been up plenty of times sneaking around in the dark. I have decent hearing, I definitely know the vicinity where he is. I look like a thief in her underwear sneaking up on her next victim!! Hunch backed, tip-toeing and all... Oh, the cricket is in the garbage can where I swept up the goodies from under the bed. Guess Kell hadn't really got the cricket after all, well kinda, he got it into the pile! I take it to the outside dumpster. Peace for the rest of the night.

Night #4: There's one in the closet! No shizzz! I pull back the clothes in my closet quickly, as if to take it by surprise. Nothing there. No help from Mr. passed-out-in- bed over there. Can't find it. Grab my pillows and go up to Chase's room to sleep.

Night #5: Kelly has done laundry during the day, thinking Mr. cricket is in the laundry. Not a chance in hell. He is in full kicking gear in the closet as lights are out. Kell is lights out as well. Dozer has had an especially exhausting day because he is snoring up a storm. I'm outta here. I'm upstairs now, can't sleep. IPod in, hoping to wind down. It is now 4:30, I'm hungry, as I leave Chase's bedroom to my absolute horror I slowly tip toe down the stairs and into the kitchen...left side of the sink another CRICKET!!!!!

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. WE NEED HELP IN THIS HOUSE!!!