Your Right to be Happy

I was given some kind of label, or diagnosis as it seems 8 years ago. They call it bipolar.
I give little attention to it now, simply because I am faithful to my 2 med's and I am knowledgeable about mental illness. I am cognizant of triggers and keep myself healthy by managing my illness, much like a diabetic manages their illness. I believe there are many who may live happier lives if they would pay attention to their own life; i.e. have awareness of their own behavior. People in general are awfully judgmental towards another. That may sound quite judgmental in and of itself, it's not meant to be. Shouldn't we pay more attention to our own business and life, keeping our own lives in check, rather than casting opinions towards how others live?

I find it interesting how some people have so much time to worry and talk about other people and their choices, yet they don't take time to examine their own. How many times have I said, "walk a mile in somebody...ahh, you can finish the rest.

On my drive home from work tonight i spoke to T.J., he was out having fun with some friends. Our conversation was delightful and with a cheery attitude he said, "my house caught on fire, my dog's died, my grandpa got cancer and my parents are getting divorced, but I can still get out and have fun, life goes on." It almost sounds like a country song.

Life teaches us many things and it certainly changes. Sometimes we don't choose those changes. Sometimes those changes hurt, they hurt a lot; but we can choose to carry on and we can choose the high road. The road that leads in the direction that will take us to greener pastures or so that is usually our plan. Optimism is always the best plan. I've never known a happy pessimist. I'm trying to give up being Right, I just wanna be Happy.

Cancer-an East or West Choice

Culture or the socially constructed ideas and attitudes that we adopt in our Western society is interesting. It's also humorous at times...my dad is also quite humorous to me. He loves the microphone...karaoke...Western music...OH I hated Eddy Arnold growing up! Yet ,the more I understand the more I accept. 

My dad at his 70th surprise Birthday party, graciously thanking everyone.

It was less than three months ago when I received news my dad has esophageal cancer that had spread to his lymph nodes and other organs which had deemed him in the dreaded "stage 4" realm. The Western medicine protocol was to begin immediate doses of chemotherapy. Chemotherapy works by killing fast-growing cancer cells. Unfortunately, chemotherapy drugs can't always tell the difference between cancer cells and fast-growing healthy cells, including red and white blood cells. As a result, one of the most serious potential side effects of many types of chemotherapy drugs is a low white blood cell count. White blood cells are responsible for fighting infection.

When I tried to educate myself a little more about what "chemo" really is, this is what I learned: the chemicals that are used, fit into four categories--

1. Alkylating agents 2. Vinca alkaloids 3. Cytotoxic antibiotics 4. Anti-metabolites.

ALKYLATING AGENTS are drugs that work by directly attacking the DNA of a cell. These drugs can work at any time of the cell cycle, but are most effective during DNA synthesis.

NITROSOUREAS are similar to alkylating agents, and work by inhibiting the changes necessary for DNA repair. A very important feature of this class of drugs is that they can cross the blood-brain barrier which makes them very useful for treating brain tumors.

ANTIMETABOLITES block cell growth by interfering with DNA synthesis. These drugs work by mimicking a substance involved in DNA synthesis, inhibiting production of an acid necessary for DNA to be synthesized.

ANTITUMOR ANTIBIOTICS work by binding with DNA to prevent RNA synthesis. These also prevent cell growth by preventing DNA replication. Antitumor antibiotics prevent the DNA from reattaching itself together which causes the cell to die.

And when researching the overall survival rates no matter where I looked, after being treated by chemo the outlook was not promising at an average of 2-5%. Here is one of those tables:


The following table was published in the journal Clinical Oncology in December 2004.  The results of this study were astonishing, showing that chemotherapy has an average 5-year survival success rate of just over 2 percent for ALL cancers! http://fiocco59.altervista.org/ALLEGATI/MORGAN.PDF


My dad was hooked up, ready to go, and the appointment was made to begin chemotherapy treatment. We celebrated Christmas at Dad's house, he was in good spirits, but we all had our battle gloves on, for we all knew the road ahead was not easy. And then the change of plans...he would attack cancer from the opposite side of the world!

Dad, Grandma Allen, at the Christmas Party 

The Eastern methods of working with the body, rather than killing the cancerous cells and many others along with it---he feeds his body with an abundance of everything that is good and positive and rid it of all that is toxic and allow dad's body to kill the cancerous cells and enjoy his quality of life THROUGH the process. Quackery? Huh? or is it cultural bias?




I'm not really an expert in any of it. This is my first real close experience with cancer. But here are some observations that I find peculiar in our socially constructed paradigms...

There is something called "taken for granted knowledge," that isn't knowledge at all.

Sensationalism and Negativity SELLs...

We each pursue happiness in our own way, and that diversity is a great thing~


I am grateful for a father and my mom#2, Rondy who have so bravely made a choice to follow what makes sense to them. I am saddened when there is judgment by those who think that my dad has not chosen the "right" path by refusing chemo. I am further amazed when one goes against the NORM how there is less attention given than if one chooses the traditions of the culture.

Dad and Rondy leaving one of the treatment rooms, with happy faces!

I find it fascinating that another cancer patient is considered a "public figure" because they have taken their treatment public and the sentiments are publicized and furthermore the Dr. is celebrated for his heroic efforts to save her life. I certainly have no ill towards her and I wish her all the best. I only wonder why naturopathic doctors such as Larry Womack has spent his life researching and teaching people about their bodies to empower people further and why he is criticized by the medical profession? It seems as though building a bridge between Western and Eastern medicine would be of great benefit for the patients of many diseases.

It seems to me we put a great deal into labels and words...

which is ok, I love words...

And this would be one of my top PiCks of Doctor's...East or West!

And my DAD, well I would only choose HIM!

Dudes have Emo Too

Gary, and his 3 children that he raised as a single parent.

A very special man, a brother-in-law to me passed away suddenly last Thursday evening. Gary had a way with words and in fact had published two books. His first was titled, “Used Man.”  He was a great example of… “Like me as I am, and if you don’t, I don’t give a rats ass.” Wow, I love you Gary!

After writing “Thoughts in a box” I started to think about the difficulty culture has put upon men in expressing their emotions. Our society has pigeonholed and labeled our boys from inside the womb. Their toughness has been expected, and the labeling has stifled the idea that men don’t have, can’t have, or display emotion. What? Why? How can that be possible? Men are spiritual/emotional/human beings every bit as much as a woman! The last time I checked on the emo of the men in my life, when they were being REAL, these were the most beautiful, endearing, wonderful, and attractive times I have spent with them. Emo does not always come out so easily; again, we have conditioned one another that this is not the way it is “supposed to be.” Well, times change, we don’t have to act tough to be tough.  The most rigid and defensive individuals are usually the most insecure (thanks Dr. D. for helping me to see this)!

So here is the challenge, how do men in our culture feel safe and masculine and still know that emotion is not just acceptable but a beautiful thing to show? I don’t really expect them to write down their epiphanies on pretty paper and put them in a decorative box!

Like any cultural change it takes time, knowledge and understanding and I think we are moving in that direction in some ways and in others we may be moving far from it. Which way is your family moving in?

Dad on his last homeopathic treatment for the day.

As I have watched the change and growth in my boys over the years from the teens and now into their 20’s and T.J. is now 30, I see great strides of improvement. I attribute much of this due to the challenges that we have gone through and triumphed over together. I am seeing an outpouring of uninhibited love and expressed emotion with Kelly and his brother’s as they say farewell to their first sibling to pass away. And I have seen a delightful positive outpouring of expression to and from my father in our family as cancer has invaded his body. Panic began to overtake all of our thoughts when we first received the news of my dad's cancer. We felt an  an urgency of celebrating life and love… yet lest we forget, we do not and cannot ever know when our very special Dudes can be called home…

The Power of Alone

I am a big fan of journaling. I have a diary from fifth grade, one from Jr. high, another from when I was a single mom, and now I frequently pop on to my computer and type a few words or pour out my soul, whichever seems to be the necessary call of the day.

My new granpuppie Lucy!

Some people find it hard to express themselves. I get that. At times I would rather stay at home and be by myself, retreat from the world and just connect to my computer with my passions or my grief. At other times I embrace life and people with the zest and excitement of a new puppy. This change in my “moods” is not necessarily my “bi-polar” disorder, it is really just part of my personality too. Sometimes I am extroverted and other times I am introverted. I don’t believe we have to be all or nothing, and furthermore, I really hate labels. I think we can get stuck with these labels in our lives and end up trying to fulfill them, these labels we are assigned sometimes from a very early age may or may not be what we really are deep in our souls after all.

What I have loved so much about journaling is that it is a place where I can be real with no judgment. I can purge my thoughts, feelings, frustrations, sadness, celebrations, and yes if I go back and read through my journal it is a documentation of my progression through life. And oh what a life it has been! I’m grateful for this journey, particularly for the struggles, for this is when I found out the strength of who I am and what I am made of. I have grown in character and compassion and it brings me great satisfaction when I can go through an experience with another person and have some sort of understanding and can say to some degree, “I understand.”

If you do not know yourself why not? Do you keep yourself so busy or preoccupied with other people’s business or problems to avoid your own? Or have you adopted some or many of the sdb’s (self destructive behaviors) that I have been involved in, i.e.: workaholism, addiction (of any kind), denial, avoidance, eating too many cookies in a day, buying too many clothes for your dog…you know stupid stuff like that! Stuff that makes you look like a crazy person and people label you “MENTAL.” EWE!!

So here’s the deal, not everyone is going to be into journaling. What IS important and what can really improve the quality of your life is AWARENESS. Eckhart Tolle was the first to really introduce it to me in a little book called Stillness Speaks. I still refer to it often, even though I randomly picked it up off of a bookshelf 10 years ago. And I quote:

Is suffering really necessary? Yes and no.

If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion…Suffering cracks open the shell of ego, and then comes a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.

We all have choices. We all have challenges. We cannot compare or quantify the amount of suffering or for that matter achievements we have. Life is life and we go through it. If we make choices to try to avoid it, it has consequences…and at some point we pay the piper.

Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed…and I don’t! I sleep, I read, I journal, but it’s my choice! On the other days I run like crazy, HA. I have a family, I run a business, I go to school and I love and care for people, and oh ya my dogs. So don’t judge me. And if you feel like staying in bed one day, go ahead, I wouldn’t judge you, the question is…would you, JUDGE YOU?

You get to know yourself when you are quiet and spend time ALONE…with YOURSELF.

The Color Code Conversation

Our family has been long time fans of "Color Coding." If you've never heard of this, it is basically a tool to learn a little more about yourself, your relationships, and your life. Pretty basic stuff. HA! You'd think!

Some people call it personality profiling. That sounds a bit negative, but it is really quite fun, interesting and insightful.

There are many types of books and tests available that you can take to see what "color" you are. The whole idea is to get to know your strengths, and of course your weaknesses. My boys have had some fun with this over the years and we have done an over abundance of labeling with our little "RED" category. These are the personalities that are motivated by POWER. Their motto is: lead, follow or get out of the way, just make sure I'm leading. We have a lot of Red's in our immediate and extended family. Enough said. :) and sometimes :(

Needless to say, one "Color" is certainly not better than another. Are we all not striving to maximize our strengths and minimize our weaknesses? Is it not of value to take inventory at times and look at ourselves in the mirror, or in this respect, shall I say in a book, and learn a bit about our propensity to act in a certain manner? How gaining insights about the ease or the complexity of the relationships in our lives? and how to improve them!!

The Color Code by, Taylor Hartman Ph.D. is a simple read. This book has 45 multiple choice questions and wala! you have your primary and secondary COLOR! It makes for great conversation, banter (if you like that kind of thing), debate, and a little mirror staring you back in the face. Keep in mind you MUST be completely honest and forthright about yourself and your natural innate tendencies when you take the test!

Blue is for Boys Pink is for Girls?

One of my favorite blogger's, John McManamy posted a blog entitled advice to a new grandson part II on September 27. You may click into the link and read the entire entry, he's a scream.

I made a comment and this was our dialogue, which I thought was rather poignant and humorous.

Dear John,

I concur with #2 & #8! However I do not agree with #7, just ask God. Good IS good enough! We need to get that!

Lori~

September 28, 2009 7:20 PM
John McManamy said...

Hey, Lucy. Here's the test: When they're inspecting the engines on a plane you will be boarding, do you want the inspectors to sign off with "good enough"?

Here's the way I see it: We give "our best." Our best may not be THE best. In fact, "our best" may suck. But we only settle for "good enough" when making our beds. :)
September 28, 2009 9:37 PM
Lori said...

Ahhh John and so it is! I like your take on it...and it's LORI, but Lucy's, good enough. :)
September 29, 2009 8:54 PM
John McManamy said...

Hey, Lori. Oops! A classic case of my good enough not good enough. :)
September 29, 2009 10:16 PM

I look at it this way, when T.J. my son was detoxing from a 7 year drug addiction I realized that no matter what he did, I loved him more than life itself, and I accepted anything and everything about him! I did not accept his behavior, but I accepted him and what ever he was willing to give and do on behalf of himself WAS good enough, God would do the rest. He is 4 years clean this December!

And another thought-- do we hold different expectations for boys than girls? And vice versa? If so...should we??

Red Wrong

Some may say that I am quite forth coming with my personal life; that I blog or blabber about things that make most people uncomfortable. I think I am actually READ WRONG quite often and have been since I was a teen. The truth is I have been very private and quiet about my inner most feelings and happenings in my life.

I AM drawn to a deep conversation or talking to someone about their life and their challenges. I am happiest when I am close to others and feel as though I have purpose and can impart those same feelings of purpose, worth and happiness in others. For others to feel totally loved and accepted in my presence is important to me. I know what it feels like to be in a place where you are not accepted, and it hurts!

If I had a dime for every time my mom says, "The bible says...", we tease her but we also love her beautiful spirit. The bible does say, do unto others as you would have done unto you.

It's so simple, but it does require some AWARENESS, it certainly doesn't come natural. At least it doesn't for me.

I took a color code test and it say I'm a Red, I think it's wrong!:) If you've never taken one of these tests I strongly recommend it.

Oh My Bloomin' Boneset

Maybe you don't care about these fluffy white wildflowers; but they have been used medicinally throughout U.S. history. It was mostly used to assist the fusion of bones.

What is on my mind is how do you feel about our country? With all the political rhetoric, economic state of affairs, national safety issues and on and on ........Do we need a little boneset? Do you feel broken when you turn on the news, talk radio, or look at your investments (or dry bank account).

Wow, I am a citizen in the greatest country in the world. I have been self-employed since I was 21 years old (more than half my life now). I expect no accolades or special treatment. I do expect to be treated with respect. I feel no special entitlements are due me; just a fair chance as a small business owner. I expect the same things in my personal relationship's as well. I learned these things while attending the University of the School of Hard Knocks. I hear there is open enrollment. I have learned more there that I seem to just keep going back for one more 'medicinal' class.

What I have found after my life of schooling and self employment in the service industry is these 3 things: 1) You get respect when you give it. It is earned--over time. 2) Those who feel entitled to 'whatever it may be', never recognize who they are. They shift accountability and play the victim and martyr role (victim of course being the favorite). 3) I do see labeling and inequality going on in our world all the time. It saddens me. Whether it be because of our physical, mental, social, or spiritual likeness or lack thereof we judge!

We like people who are similar to the way we are. Now that is easy. The real challenge is accepting and loving someone who is NOT like us. That really would be the land of the free and the home of the brave...

A bloomin' boneset that fuses everyone together? Now there's a thought.