Life Comes Full Circle

For some reason Collin's mannerisms and behaviors make me absolutely laugh out loud on a regular basis. We have a group text in our family where we share pictures...Between the mischievious looks on Collin's face and his tuft of hair that sticks straight up, he keeps us all in stitches.

There is a striking resemblance here!

A homemade card from Gma Shirley (my Mom)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Chase's fav growing up) Smash Cake made by Gma April

As much as i laugh at this child, he can also bring me to tears...happy tears, grateful tears. 

Looking up at Uncle Tandin

Sharing with Uncle T.J.

Father & Son

 

Today when I gave Collin his first Oreo cookie my mind raced back to the day that Chase had his first Oreo cookie. The day we nearly lost him. I took Chase to the bathtub to clean him up, i turned on the water, and the phone rang. It was a business phone call and i completely forgot that Chase was in the tub with the water running. The horror did not hit me until i hung up the phone. I ran to the bathroom and found him floating face down in the tub, completely lifeless and blue. I pulled him out and frantically screamed for help all the way to the neighbors house with his limp body slumped over in my arms. My good neighbor Dave was home and told me to call 911. When 911 answered i screamed, "my child has drowned, help me, HELP ME!" The dispatcher, Karen, calmly proceeded to talk me though CPR, and Chase regained consciousness. We spent the night in the hospital for observation and miraculously Chase suffered no brain damage. 

I tell this story with horrible shame for my stupidity and neglect. Losing Chase would have devastated so many lives. Chase's life was preserved for a reason..and Collin is the reason. 

Chase and i have had many confirming moments as to the incomprehensible love and bond that you have for your children. Life is precious. Family is eternal. This life can be so hard at times. And then the sweetest simplest tender moments emerge, and you see that, as i have said so many times...life comes full circle...

Thank you to all the boys in my life, T.J., Chase, Tandin and Collin. You make my life worth living.

Being the Mom of Boys

Today I reflect on motherhood. I AM THE MOTHER OF 3 BEAUTIFUL, AUTHENTIC, COMPASSIONATE, SMART, NON-JUDGMENTAL, LOVING BOYS! Out of all the things I have done and experienced in my life.. none compare to what I see and have felt with my boys; therefore, I can be peaceful and happy.

My baby Tandin turns 25 today. I am proud of him, and I am equally proud of T.J. and Chase. These, now men, no longer babies, have risen to exceptional heights, with no credit to me. Each one has strengths and weaknesses. They are human, they fall down, they make mistakes, and what’s most important is they get up, they show up and they love unconditionally. Each one of my boys is exceptionally smart and successful in their careers, but it is not what they do that makes them, it is who they are deep down, and they are gems.

We are all dog lovers, if you’re a dog lover you get it, there is nothing comparable to the unconditional love of a devoted dog. We have 4 dogs in our family, Ducati, Cayenne, Pac and Zion; three bulldogs and my devoted and faithful Boston, Zion. We still miss our Dozer and Roxee, a Bulldog and Boston lost in T.J.s house fire in 2011, they were a pair, united in life and death.

This post is ultimately about motherhood. I have been blessed beyond to have these 3 boys that are loving, compassionate, understanding, beautiful inside and out, despite what has been passed down from their Momma. Whatever I have done in life, my greatest satisfaction, pride and heart comes from giving birth to these 3 great men. Yes, they are now men..and Chase and Lauren will be making me a Grandma this coming July. Life is sweet when you are blessed with boys!

The Sweetest Things in Life are Free

There are days that I still yearn for some kind of familiarity, my old couch, the kitchen I cooked countless meals in for my family, my office, my staff that became my friends. My neighbors that cared for me. And particularly, particularly, my grandogs, Dozer and Roxee that delighted me in ways that only unconditional love from Dogs can be had.

For 3 solid years, change has whipped at me with such velocity i often times felt I would be sucked into the vacuum, never to return. Today is different, today I have hope for a bright future.

I have always spoken openly and candidly about my trials, it has been a source of healing to express myself. It has also been my deepest desire that someone who has read my words may be touched in their own personal way and found strength.

It is a humbling experience, after the dust settles in life, to sit within your own reality and be accountable for the mistakes you've made in life. These are hard times, necessary for growth, and I am grateful for the challenges that have brought me character.

My greatest blessing is the relationship I have with each one of my boys.

The 3 boys when they were younger!

They have stood by me, believed in me, and loved me unconditionally. I was a grown woman, needy and also trusting enough to cry in my sons arms when I was at my lowest. Tandin took me in when there was no where to go, he allowed me to heal, and never lost Faith in me. He mourned along with me as we shared our little apartment together, had talks about school, experienced frustrations when Pac (the menace grandog), didn't mind, and plain just knew where each other was in every way without speaking a word. These months with him I will cherish all the days of my life.

Tan & Me during a hike after a long day of studies

Today is a new chapter in my life. I have love, God and family that surround me and support me.

May I just say this in parting.. Trials and challenges of life teach us the life lessons that mold us. I will be forever indebted to God, my family and friends for believing in me and loving me. The sweetest things in life are free.

It's Right Around the Corner

Earlier this week I rode my bike to class and I snapped this picture. How beautiful--life in motion, as simple as it may be: to walk, to learn, to live.

This is the path I take as I ride my bike home from class in the evening hours, how enlightening, how perfect.

And today, the intention of the crowd, to experience "the game." They accept the idea that win or lose...this will be fun! Losing sucks but it IS part of the game.

My 3 boys are at the stadium enjoying a football game after some tailgating activity, 2 dogs are at my feet and I have plenty of studying and homework ahead.

This the the beautiful stadium across the street from where I live, and yes, love is always right around the corner, sometimes you just have to look really hard.

No Place Like Home

Yesterday was my birthday. 50Th! My weekend was filled with joy... 

 

my boys and the doggies,

 my family,

 

my friends.

 

Saturday, bright and early my son Chase, proposed--professed his unwavering devotion to Lauren.

 The love, heartache, relief, hope and honor displayed was truthful,

 and intimate (even though Tandin (brother) filming, and Steve (balloon friend pilot) was navigating.

 I huffed and puffed as I filmed their landing, running through fields, Zion in tow...

 ...and it seemed like something out of the Wizard of Oz as my babies landed...

only to share in the good news that, there is NO place like home (our hearts).

Zion was picked up and returned safely and coincidentally, (NOT), by This father and son. 

They spotted Zion running through the fields and thought it was their Boston, Roxee! 

Yes their other dog's name...Dozer. 

We shared stories of our dynamic duos, and I walked away with gladness in my heart knowing that 

the two yeawhoo's were with us in every way, 

YES, they were there, sharing what they were so much a part of 

when Chase returned home 5 years ago.

Tj's house fire, May 2011

This pic does evoke emotion for me, these times were hard, none of us could understand why life seemed to be tumbling down around all of us in every way, 

Roxee, Me and Dozer when they were pups

...yet more understanding comes each day, and I accept and know that things are exactly as they should be. I am grateful and blessed beyond.

Our lives unfold like stories and we live in them, and learn from them, and live now, in the present, digesting it all and rejoice in all of it, the heartache, the love, the pain and the pleasure, for without it...where would the meaning be??

As for me? I am ready,

ready to put my boots up

and see where Red Shoes, committed love, and living right in the midst of 

"no place like Home," takes me!

I have a daughter, she came to me years ago and I asked her to please write to my son Chase while he was on his mission. Our entire family needed this perfect young lady in our lives. 

She has a beautiful authentic mother, my friend April that has given Lauren qualities of innocence, beauty and a love for others unconditionally that we all share.

Me, Lauren, April and so sweet, so perfect Catherine!

 

 

 

What a day...what a life...there is no place like home!

 

Passions and Mourning and Living

Are there some times when few words are necessary, because there is so much to be feeling? I have been going through times of great feeling lately. I do that. Do you?

I for one, can be verbose when passionate about One Thing, and equally reclusive when mourning another.

It is said we can learn from history to make our tomorrows better. And yet, all we really have is now, right now. And that can sound a bit confusing?! Ya, so tie that all up in a pretty little bow... and then make sense of it... Deepak Chopra where are you??

So i have made my list of things i am passionate about; whether they make up my past, present or future and whether the package is torn and tattered or neatly packaged with a pretty little bow, it does define me. What are you passionate about???

10 things on my "passionate list"...

1.  Letting my boys know they are loved unconditionally and amazing for being exactly who they are! They have grown to be ultra amazing and unique men.

2.  Being kind, genuine, authentic and NON-judgmental.

3.  God watches over us and life is eternal.

4.  Dogs were meant to be man's best friend, evidenced by-- they listen and love.

especially when they are in trouble

or want to learn to wash dishes
 with Grams.

5.  Good parents sacrifice. Great parents sacrifice everything. I have Great Parents.

6.  If you have a best friend in your life you are rich--and lucky--most do not. I am rich!

7.  Work hard, but try to figure out how to rest guilt-free.

8.  No one owes you a damn thing.

9.  Quality over Quantity.

10. Don't try to impress or put yourself above others. Phony people that gossip, SUCK.

"10 things I mourn"... to be continued...

Steppin' Up

To BE RESPONSIBLE! And whom are we responsible to i ask? Is it to our parents, boss, employees, children, spouses, siblings, friends, teachers, coaches? And what are we truly responsible for?

ahhh, if only it worked this way....

I will be drafting a "responsibility/ job description" for myself, my manager and my new to-be-hired front desk coordinator this weekend. After 25 years of business this is definitely no new task, but things change, in business and in life, so we go back to the drawing board, so to speak. If others change, I believe i step up to the plate and change too. It's not always easy, it is what is required for success and happiness. It's never about changing who we ARE or our integrity, it is about personal growth and taking on the challenges life sets before us.

I ask... "In life what am i really responsible for? Now? right now, because that's all that matters." Again things change. They always do. My boys are grown, does that make me less responsible as a mother? I think not! I just parent differently now. The days of reminding them to brush their teeth are over, if they haven't learned that by now, they ain't never be gettin' married cause they's be havin' bad breath! 

These days i talk with my boys several times a week, i know what is going on in their lives, what troubles them, what successes they are having, how their relationships are going, the days of 'shoulding' all over them are over. I mourn with them and i celebrate with them. I laugh with them and i cry with them.  My 3 boys live life deeply and i share it with them. How lucky and how blessed am i that they allow me in!

I had a conversation with a friend the other night, a truly wonderful friend. True friends are the ones who you can count on to be: in your face honest with you, not pass judgment, there for you during good times and bad, love you in spite of yourself, and above all, you know you can trust them to have your back--no matter what. These friends are few, Cherish them and be responsible to their loyalty.

I take care of myself now. All the Fall Guys have left, and in truth, there never really was one. In truth, be careful, cause there never really is, unless you believe in God.

A caution to women, you MUST have a means of taking care of yourself and your family if necessary...things change...and then again...some things never do,