Toxic Medicine

I remember the days when i was always, and i mean always in a hurry. Even if i appeared calm on the outside, my head was telling my body it needed to DO more, which generally manifested itself in a lot of back pain. Oh sure there were medical/physical reasons for my pain, and the pain was absolutely real, but my stress level exacerbated it to a whole new level. And the pain medicine numbed the pain, but the pain always came back..

What i realize now is how my hurried life kept me in mental and physical pain, which kept me from having any real intimacy with the ones i love..which left me lonely..which was created by my own doing. Ahhhh, the vicious circle!

Intimacy--being vulnerable to someone can be one of the most frightening things we do--and certainly one of the most fulfilling experiences we can have in this life...if we dare. Those who are constantly in a hurry or preoccupied with DOing instead of Being, isolate themselves and often times alienate their relationships. I see the pursuit of constant achievement as just another addiction that keeps us in our own heads while missing what could be shared with another.

I think about all the many types of addictions that enslave us, whether they be drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, shopping, eating, lying, as just Self Destructive Behaviors (what i call sdb's) that bring pain to ourselves..and what is doubly sad, to those we love and who love us.

Eckhart Tolle said that "every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain."I suppose our addictions, as well as our hurried and busy minds, are a means of self-medicating, but the medicine is almost always toxic!

I like the pace of my life now. I'm often busy but never in a hurry.

Laughter is Contagious

Suffering and the Ego

Tomorrow i turn 53. Birthdays are a good time to reflect. I started writing this blog over 8 years ago. Chase, one of my boys, was on a church mission and i wanted to stay connected and share life lessons, family tales and every day epiphanies that would help him through his journey. He suffered terrible homesickness. I also hoped my other boys would read my entries, it was my way of preaching...without preaching.

In the 8 years since i began writing, life has whipped and turned, toppled and triumphed over so much life that i marvel how God works in our lives to teach us exactly what we need to learn! I have experienced the highest of highs in life; and the lowest of lows. I have been open and candid about my journey, hoping to help others in theres.

The year i turned 40 was a memorable one and i will never forget coming across this passage that had such a meaningful impact on me then..and now..

Eckhart Tolle

It's kind of a deep thought, one that requires some time to ponder. It's that last line, "until you realize it is unnecessary", that gives me such pause. Suffering in this life IS NECESSARY, and then when the ego has burned up, which means the lesson has been learned, acceptance has taken place, and humble reverence for the journey is felt, well, THEN, it IS UNNECESSARY! 

In my opinion there does seem to be a preponderance of suffering in some people's lives. Why? I have no idea? Some would say it is self-inflicted. Maybe? And some suffering just IS...and then it ISN'T. Hold on if you're suffering, because it's happening for a reason, look for the reason. And when you find it, let it go...it has served its purpose.

Dedicated to my Mom. She has suffered much, endured well and has no ego. She has been the one consistent person in my life who has cared for me during my darkest hours of suffering. She has earned her place in heaven. Thank you Mom.