WHAT'S GOING ON? Part 2

I suppose you can find a representation of all kinds of personalities on the internet; those who are constantly blowing sunshine up your butt, those who are constantly complaining, those who are constantly on a political platform, those who are constantly proselyting, those who are angry, so it's not just the look-at-me characters that may want to view their own news feed, ALL (including myself) of us should take a personal check of our internet etiquette. 

If you want to know what is important to someone  (or what you project to the world) you might just want to take a look at your own pics and posts. This sounds judgmental on my part! And it is! Don't get me wrong, i love knowing where people stand on life issues, family celebrations and sharing something that touched them or made them laugh, but family arguments, divorce celebrations and overall dogma? maybe some discretion would be better? but that's just my thought. The internet is a powerful thing and has changed our world FOREVER; for good and for bad.

Now i can't just point the finger at the younger generation because i see my generation, where our trophies become our children and grandchildren, intentions..while they may be good, can borderline as just more narcissistic ways to say, "look how great I am!" Don't get me wrong, because i do it too; i am proud of my family, soooo.. if i over-share, please give me a gentle reminder!! 

In closing, i will share a Facebook post made in July 2015 by Tandin, (yep, my son) who is a very wise and grounded  26 year old kid.

He says:

"We are in the infancy of social media and large scale instant communication. Anyone with an internet connection can voice their opinion. This is unprecedented in our history and didn't even exist when I was in junior high. We are still figuring out online etiquette and norms. I believe over time there will be an understood way of handling yourself online, but right now we are in the toddler phase of online conduct.  

I have silently read through a ton of facebook and news article comment sections this past week. This past week is something Americans have never experienced before. It is the first historical event where pretty much everyone has an opinion and many have vocalized that opinion. I would imagine we would have seen a lot of the same rhetoric during segregation and other polarizing events had social media existed back then.  

My point in posting this is to voice my opinion. I wish we wouldn't be so quick to anger (and I say 'we' because I am including myself). The moment you get angry is precisely the moment that you lose, regardless of your stance. I wish more people would think twice before posting their comments. You can absolutely voice your view, but maybe take a little time to think about it first. Whether or not your name is attached to your post there is still a consequence. That consequence may not directly affect you, but it may affect those who read it.  

I would hope that you are not motivated by fear. The media has done a pretty good job at scaring the masses. But the truth is that crazy and horrible stuff has been happening since forever, you now just have a platform to see it all. The world is a pretty great place if you shut off the tv and close your browser.  

What this world could use is a bit more compassion.  

It's time to grow up from the toddler stage of online discourse. My bet is we'll look back twenty years from now and think our behavior was embarrassing.  

I honestly don't care what your political and religious views are as long as you are respectful to me and the people around you.  

So that's my opinion about all of the recent events. Oh, and please have your pets spayed or neutered."

WHAT'S GOING ON? Part 1

I took Tandin (my youngest son) to dinner last night and we had a very insightful and enlightening conversation about social/media--the internet--

Now one thing i won't do is go into a diatribe as to how "when i was a kid..." We've all heard the stories...

I will however take this opportunity to share what i learned. 

1) There's a dating app called "Tinder" where you can swipe right if you are interested and left if you are not. Apparently this forum has defined what the urban dictionary calls, --dating up-- which is dating someone higher on the social ladder than you. Now this social ladder is solely based upon appearance (obviously). 2) On the app called "Instagram" which is a pictorial type of Facebook, it is better to have more people following You than how many you follow. So..this forum is about sharing your picture perfect life in such a way that even people who have never met you "follow" you because your life looks exciting, glamorous and perfect.  

Huh? Last time i checked, at least what Reality i know, is people have problems! People have challenges, sad times, lonely times, and a myriad of other realities (most of which are not appropriate to air on social media). I am genuinely concerned when our teachers are reporting that our children are becoming socially backwards; where they know everything about each other (or what is projected on the internet), yet have no clue who that person really is!

Someone recently reminded me of the "brag letter" i wrote many years ago, customarily sent out at the end of the year, culminating all the great things my family had done. My letter was prompted and written in satire because of how i wanted to throw up from the many brag letters i had received, so... i wrote my version of bragging, a few of the highlights were: "we were thrilled our son was clean from a 7 year addiction to drugs--my med's had finally kicked in and i had come out of a deep dark depression--another son didn't make the basketball team and learned one of the best lessons in life, how to lose--we hadn't accumulated any more debt--and the highlight--Dozer hadn't pooped in the house! Every bit of this was truth. 

Uhhh, ok, Dozer probably DID poop in the house! He's definitely feeling guilty and in trouble.

I am saddened and shocked by how our society functions in this "virtual reality." I am particularly concerned for our young people where the emphasis is on image and appearance, i.e., what vacation they just took where they can flaunt their over-pumped-up muscles, flat abs, gaunt cheeks, designer clothing and the spectacular lives they lead--like all the time! Really, all the time? 

To be continued...

Fiddlers on the Roof

MATCH maker MATCH maker

Make me a match

Find me a find

Catch me a 

SCAM

I met a total hunk on line...it's how we do it these days...

I have had several dates since I became single; I was married for more than a quarter of a century. It's a long time and things change. Drastically!

It's true...when you have a busy life, not into going to a bar, and you want to meet people, you resist...and then you join. And then you have a smorgasbord of 'people entertainment' at your fingertips. I am not one to make fun of people, but in all seriousness, who are some of these people?! And are they actually serious or just seriously stupid!

Ok, so here it goes, and I hope you find this as entertaining as i have. Some of these profiles were so out there, i had to copy/paste them as I came across these people, and then laugh hysterically...

One seriously disturbed dude writes to his viewing audience:

-->

"she must be open to the idea, idea's, that the world is run mainly by a ruling class, all governments are mostly a lie, believes wars are mostly about money, that americas economy is really in trouble, as well the entire world economy. that the future is going to change dramatically, more importantly that she is open to the idea that aliens from other planets visit earth frequently, all this goes to an underlying view of what i believe is a rational view of reality."

Aliens from other planets? visit earth frequently?? Rational view of reality??? Seriously?!!!

Another obviously intelligent man writes:

"I’m the sort of guy that tries to give out thoughtful gifts and receives rubber chickens gratefull."

Rubber chickens? Ok. ?? Really? Ok. ?

And then there is the openly admitted groper:

"I work very hard and like to snuggle when I'm with a woman to de-stress. I'm also a touchy feely kind of person."

Touchy FEELY kind of person. Sign me up, I'm feeling safe now!

Now the stupid "hunk" of a scammer:

Here's the hook first off, he is drop dead model gorgeous...obviously taken from a magazine. He uses the most flowery love language a women could ever want to hear. And then after a few days of fiddling around with too many "baby, sugar, sweets, and yes even...I will love you always"... he asks for the $1900 loan. BAM! I had been waiting for it.  If you think he is too good to be true. He is.

Tevya the delightful father of 3 daughters says:

"A fiddler on the roof... Sounds crazy, no? But here, in our little village of Anatevka, you might say every one of us is a fiddler on the roof. Trying to scratch out a pleasant, simple tune without breaking his neck. It isn't easy. You may ask, why do we stay up there if it's so dangerous? Well, we stay because Anatevka is our home."

"Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as... as... as a fiddler on the roof!"

Life is precarious at best, never knowing what the next day will bring and whether you will stay on the roof or if you will fall off and come tumbling down.

Love and being loved is a tradition that will not soon come tumbling down, but you best watch your step...a fiddler on the roof may be playing your tune. HAHAHAHA...

The "Me" Bucket

 

Today I feel empty. The bucket is dry. It has been an Emotional Week. I am a wife, mother, daughter,

sister, aunt, friend, boss, and gramog to my new little Lucy “pooh.” 

Lucy Lu aka Lucy "pooh"

Lucy required potty training every hour while she visited the last few days. Lucky me.

 

 Sometimes there is just not enough “me” to go around. Any other “me’s” out there?

White Lines of L.A.

I am riding in my car watching the white lines zip by anxious to be home, maybe 10 hours from now. I also am thinking about the last two weeks of being on the road...

L.A. has a personality of its own. There is not the electric feel in downtown L.A. like Manhattan where we were in January earlier this year.

We have been carefully assessing and reviewing many lines of handbags, belts, jewelry, clothing etc., for our new Internet business. But the lines on the freeways or what fashion lines to carry are not what is foremost on my mind.

My sister has had the opportunity to travel and meet a wide variety of people. She is always gracious and poised in all situations. I have traveled very little and kept to a close knit circle of friends. We are both naturally outgoing and try to be loving and accepting of everyone.

With that being said I find myself at this time in my life having to make the lines very clear as to what I will and will not do. As for me, I am a people pleaser and if I haven't drawn the line clearly beforehand, it can be erased rather quickly. That has proved to be a detriment.

I find I am an adapter. I am also a grey person and it is time for me to draw the white lines.

Brown Mother Bear is Right & Happy

I do not like to be manipulated. I do not like phony people. They make life painful. One area that is particularly sensitive is when you hurt my children...Mother Bear comes out!!!

I do not believe people wake up and think "Okay, I am going to ruin Mrs. Whojit's day today by speaking poorly about her children." Of course they don't! People just don't think at all. They think they are different. They think their judgments are okay and justified. Apparently they think their words do not travel or do not hurt?

I do not like people who abuse their power. Position is not to be over someone. I have found that the most effective way of leading people is by their side and cheering them on. Understanding where they are at, being there with them IN the moment. Counseling your team is much different than telling. Inspiring is much different than motivating. Asking is much different than telling. Power can be very positive or negative!

Some people are takers other are givers. The best relationships are two givers. Two takers won't last long at all. Oftentimes you have a taker and a giver...until the giver just gives out. Truth is you may change roles with different people at different times in your life, but by nature you are either one or the other.

I believe that most people do have good hearts and truly want to do good by others. I also believe there is a deficit of love and an abundance of self absorbed people that fear the very thing they need the most...Unconditional Love.

It seems to make sense that if we give Unconditional Love away it WILL come back...at least from the people that we would be interested in it from...RIGHT? RIGHT!

Now Mother Bear is Right AND Happy about that one!!!

Black Days Gone Bye

Some friends will be friends forever because of the things we experience together. Glenn and Kathy are these kind of friends. They used to live two doors down, now they live in Texas. We saw them tonight and reminisced about old times--good and bad. Glenn and I were both diagnosed with manic depressive illness while we lived in the same neighborhood. His illness did not manifest itself until his early 40's. Mine on the other hand was something I have shown signs of since I was a teenager but unfortunately not diagnosed until I was 39.

This illness, as does all the mental illnesses, have many different faces, and no one remains more responsible for their individual health than the sufferer themselves. Seems strange to say that because mentally ill individuals have been depicted as incompetent to think and care for themselves. I beg to differ! Most mental illnesses, if given proper medication to balance out the brain chemistry, (which in and of itself is a challenge), can lead normal, happy and productive lives. Knowledge of the illness and self management techniques for a healthy lifestyle in understanding triggers that could exacerbate the illness rests upon first, the person with the disease, and then the family.

I remember Glenn's "high" days, (if you're bi-polar you get sick of the word MANIC). Wow, if I was 'up' too we could talk a blue streak. Business was always a favorite topic of ours. If anyone else happened to be in the room, or on the golf course with us, I'm not so sure we even paid much attention to them. We always enjoyed each others company, lively animation and ideas.

One thing you learn in a non-medicated bi-polar persons world...What goes UP must come DOWN! The main reason many who have this illness do not take med's is because they miss the high, the periods of extreme energy, productivity, creativity! Ya, well, at what and whose expense? This illness affects not just the person that has it but everyone who loves that person! It is also amazing to me how people can be embarrassed about taking a couple of pills that will help them be easier to live with, yet not think anything when they have self induced diabetes and have to take insulin to regulate their blood sugar. Interesting how our perspectives might need a little adjustment?

I had long periods of black days in my late 30's. Winters were always particularly hard. I was always searching for an answer to make this black feeling go away. I had been on different anti-depressants off and on for 10 years. I never stuck with them because ultimately the black feeling always lingered.

I tried the natural vitamin/amino acid health regimen, chiropractic, meditation tapes, acupuncture, diet and exercise, prayer, regular counseling, over achieving, and so on until I was defeated and had retreated to my bed. It was customary since I was 16 to have bouts of depressive days that I did not want to get out of bed but by 39 I actually spent a 9 month period in bed. I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder shortly after that.

As we had dinner with Glenn and Kathy they reminded me of a time when my world had completely gone black, but somehow I had reached out enough to find myself at their doorstep. Glenn had said that as he open the door I had collapsed in his arms and the conversation that ensued in their home afterwards was nothing but bleak. All hope and feeling for anything had gone. Glenn could do nothing but relate, he had been there. Fortunately those Black Days have Gone BYE...we understand ourselves more fully.

Should anyone suffer from any kind of mental illness, be it depression, anxiety disorder, obsessive/compulsive, stress, grief, there are so many things that can detract from the beauty in our lives; I assure you there are ways out of the abyss. Never, ever give up hope, there were many times I begged to die.

Reach out to someone, I did and I was the better for it!

A Journey thru Weed

My son TJ took us to the Journey concert as a Father's Day gift to his dad. As we were waiting for the band to start TJ said "Oh, can you smell the weed?" I get frightened. They call them triggers in the drug world. He liked weed. He has been clean for 2 years 7 months and 12 days now. His drug problem spanned 7 years starting at 17 years old and took on the usual high school smoking, drinking, weed, then after high school advanced to abusing prescription medication including oxycontin. Once he got to that stage he was basically toast. Trying to get off became his personal hell.

The dichotomy of the whole scenario was while I was detoxing from morphine, a drug I had abused, he was getting high in our basement on narcotics all at the same time. How scary is this situation? Mom so oblivious in her own pitiful world while her own son is getting in deeper than she is, into a world most never recover from.

More than a year after my detox he finally confided in me and told me where he had been. He had chosen methadone as his method of "getting off" the drugs and was going to a "clinic." He explained to me the concept of methadone and because of the limited knowledge that both of us had at the time, and TJ's desperation I was supportive. He had failed trying to get off the narcotics so many times on his own, so methadone seemed to be a good solution. Needless to say methadone was a disaster, he became reclusive, lost weight and addicted to methadone, which is more difficult to detox from than the other narcotics he was taking.

In desperation to quickly cut down on the amount of methadone he was taking he found weed to help the withdrawals! Oh the vicious circle was beginning again.

The deal between us was that he tell me everything. He had started using cocaine. I knew we were in serious trouble and it was happening fast and I was afraid for my child's life. He was mixing so many drugs at one time I was frightened as to whether or not he would wake up in the morning. I cried constantly and begged the Lord to keep him safe till something broke. It did. He called one Saturday and said "Mom, I'm really bad, I don't know what I have taken, but it is really bad and I can't take it anymore".

We all have our breaking points. We reach the bottom and there is no where to go but up. TJ's detox was wicked. I did not leave his side for 2 weeks. He was brave. He was sick. He was sad, but he persevered. He lacked faith many times, but his entire family had a faith in him that picked him up when he did not have enough of his own.

He is a miracle in his own right for turning his life around as he has. To see him today and what he has made out of his life is simply amazing. He reaches out and helps others who face addiction. He gets it.

He now JOURNEYs on his own, WEED FREE AND HAPPY!