A Fine Balance

Dozer was a fine balance.

Look at this face! Do you see both masculine and feminine qualities? The jaw so set, strong, one tooth jutting forward to warn of determination, perseverance and purpose. Then peer into those brown eyes, they are nearly human, his old soul, full of complete accepting, unconditional and tender love. His concern and how to serve those he loved spoke louder than words. Dozer was a perfect balance of feminine and masculine. That was what was so unique about this special dog, you felt safe and protected while in his presence, and loved no matter what!

As i read, study, and take classes that reflect upon history, gender differences, politics and humanity, finding a balance by allowing it to evolve naturally seems to be such an important necessity in life; yet we are so often polarized between the giving and taking of all things, particularly love.

spoon feeding Zion--she is nearly human

Human behavior is generally quite consistent. Sometimes my boys will shock me, but most often i predict with ease how they react to circumstances or any given situation. The same goes for close family members and friends. One sure thing is Zion's behavior, my faithful Boston terrier. I suppose this is why dog is what has been phrased as, "man's best friend" for their unconditional love is endearing to us as humans.

women soldiers--ask their comrades? Don't judge it unless you've been there

I love being a woman. I also don't mind being a leader when necessary, however being labeled as a "boss," well, not so much. A boss or bossy creates a negative connotation to me. I hope after 20 plus years of being a "boss" i have learned to lead rather than boss people. It certainly has taken some hard lessons down the school of hard knocks (I have many years there, still not graduated). We categorize behaviors by their masculine and feminine nature, hopefully recognizing one not being better than another, just different.
All men and all women resume both masculine and feminine qualities, celebrating and recognizing both in ourselves can bring satisfaction and joy. This is a fine balance, no matter what gender you are.

male nurses? ask their patients--don't judge unless you know

Love the Differences

I am giving a presentation tomorrow on affirmative action. While I am an advocate for equal rights and always desire to give a hand to those in need, I see many positives that came from affirmative action, but as in life everything has its opposite. My purpose is not to debate affirmative action rather to ignite thought in each of us about our personal biases or prejudices about race.

I conducted a survey last semester in my sociology class and asked the question who people felt were the most discriminated against in America. Race was the #1 choice, which was interesting given the fact that by 2042 the white race will be the minority. We live in a highly diverse society yet we still fear each other just because of the color of one another’s skin? Or is it that we just do not understand one another’s language, culture or background?


I have said to my children many times…to know someone is to love someone. It’s so easy to judge and so hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt or put a little effort into getting to know them, particularly if they are “different.” I have found some of my richest and most rewarding relationships amongst those “different” individuals that I now call my closest friends.

If we watch, children will teach us many things.

Two kinds of People

As this semester is coming to a close I have observed there are two kinds of college Professors. One who is interested in you and one who is there to strut their tail feathers. Now I abhor labels and I hate judgment, yet for the importance of a ‘lesson’ here, may I continue?

As I have sat through hours of lectures some teachers have perfected the art of being truly interested in their students, and their students eucation. In contrast there are those who pace back and forth pompously ignoring any raised hands, questions or comments and if there are questions, these Professors make the students feel inferior for having questioned or commented. Excuse me, was this not why the student is there, for the education, seeking out the teachers knowledge, not their ego?

After having discussed a rather lofty project of mine, a mentor that I adore, bent down in front of me and looked me in the eyes and talked to me face to face. With love he said, “Lori, I know you, and while it’s a great idea and lofty goal, you don’t want to burn out….” Well, the conversation went on from there, the love was felt, the message was well received and my “idea” is put on the back burner for another decade or two of my life. Ahhh relief.

So we play different roles in life, the giver, and the receiver of information. Teacher-student, Parent-child, Spouse-spouse, Boss-employee. What each requires, in my feeble opinion is respect, love, understanding, never superiority, ego or control. For some reason these roles we play lend themselves to the idea that we have “earned” the right to be over or thereby exercise some degree of control or superiority over someone. Even in the parental role, while guidance and boundaries are always necessary, respect is never in question. Talking down to another is disrespectful and is a reflection of one’s character, or at the very least their true self esteem.

To get on someone's level…walk a mile in someone’s shoes, or…wear someone’s earphones! Yes, this could be very enlightening! And we may learn a great deal to improve our relationships. Try it, but ONLY if you can, and I say ONLY, with NO possibility of judgment or repercussions to the individual. Listen to the music that your loved one listens to. More importantly listen to the lyrics first, and then the tempo, the beat and the overall mood of their favorite genre. Music is a personal expression of oneself. If you want to know your teenager (or anyone), this is a perfect place to start. What is the main theme of their music: crime and violence, sex and drugs, love and romance, politics and nature? Is it a happy sound, sad sound, confused sound? Do not take it personal! It is not about you, it IS about them and you are their advocate. Now ask yourself, what CAN you do. Now you have a snapshot of their world. You have walked a little step in their shoes, now get on their level and tell them how much you love them, care about them and ASK them what they need you to do for them.

Our roles in other people’s lives is to make it about them…and funny thing we end up getting what we need out of the relationship in the interim. Most of all what people need is for us to just listen and accept them, the growing and figuring things out is done on our own….right? Right. And for what it’s worth, I want to be happy more that right!

Narcissism is a lonely world. Strutting your tail feathers is lonely; after all we’ve seen all those colors.

What kind of PERSON are YOU???

Dr. C. Periwinkle & Me

Dr. C. my "psych" is retiring. Today will be my last visit with him.
The primary purpose for a psychiatrist is to 1) diagnose mental illness 2) prescribe medication 3) monitor progress/goals of medication prescribed.

The days of lying on the couch and discussing your PROBLEMS with a psych would be umm, antiquated! My appointment lasts about 30 minutes.We discuss my med's, my moods and then with Dr. C. we get to the important stuff...our dogs, philosophizing, relating about life and all we have learned on our journey called life.

I have had a few psych's, but none like Dr. C. To pin point what makes this Doc different, memorable, and one that will always hold a spot in my heart, here is one example: Simple phone calls..."Lori, this is Dr. C. your appointment was 10 minutes ago and I can't treat you if you're not here. I care about you and want to know how you are doing." I was at the check in counter!

My first visit with Dr. C. actually was nearly 3 hours long and it seemed as though he had studied my 'file' for 3 hours before our visit. He had many questions, many insights and many observations from past treatments I had received. No bull this Doc cared, he did his homework and then furthermore LISTENED to me and what I felt was best with my med's. I studied a lot about anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, maoi- inhibitors, and mood stabilizers prior to my official diagnosis of bi- polar. Dr. C and I always worked as a team. There was trust between us. I shared with him what I was experiencing, he taught me about the illness and I have been the beneficiary.

Obtaining good psychiatry these days is difficult. There are so few psychiatrists and it takes months to get into them and frankly people don't like to flaunt that they go to one! Humm that's funny?! I for one don't want to trust my mental health to someone who practices, key word, they are all PRACTICING, the entire body or my female organs. I want someone who "specialized in the brain". Thus, yup I have a brain disorder and I have a psyche!

Medication for mental illnesses are being prescribed like candy in every kind of office across the country as well as trying to be substituted in the health food stores by all kinds of homeopathic remedies. I am not here to say one is right or wrong. I will say beware, use caution and be an educated consumer and steward over your own body and mind. There are plenty of "Who Saids of the Greater Magnitude" out there either wanting your dime or boosting their ego...on your back and ignorance.

To Dr. C.,

The Periwinkle flower signifies sweet remembrance, yes that is what the memories in your office will be SWEET REMEMBRANCE...

Oh My Bloomin' Boneset

Maybe you don't care about these fluffy white wildflowers; but they have been used medicinally throughout U.S. history. It was mostly used to assist the fusion of bones.

What is on my mind is how do you feel about our country? With all the political rhetoric, economic state of affairs, national safety issues and on and on ........Do we need a little boneset? Do you feel broken when you turn on the news, talk radio, or look at your investments (or dry bank account).

Wow, I am a citizen in the greatest country in the world. I have been self-employed since I was 21 years old (more than half my life now). I expect no accolades or special treatment. I do expect to be treated with respect. I feel no special entitlements are due me; just a fair chance as a small business owner. I expect the same things in my personal relationship's as well. I learned these things while attending the University of the School of Hard Knocks. I hear there is open enrollment. I have learned more there that I seem to just keep going back for one more 'medicinal' class.

What I have found after my life of schooling and self employment in the service industry is these 3 things: 1) You get respect when you give it. It is earned--over time. 2) Those who feel entitled to 'whatever it may be', never recognize who they are. They shift accountability and play the victim and martyr role (victim of course being the favorite). 3) I do see labeling and inequality going on in our world all the time. It saddens me. Whether it be because of our physical, mental, social, or spiritual likeness or lack thereof we judge!

We like people who are similar to the way we are. Now that is easy. The real challenge is accepting and loving someone who is NOT like us. That really would be the land of the free and the home of the brave...

A bloomin' boneset that fuses everyone together? Now there's a thought.