Surrender to what IS! Examination

Today begins the end of a long journey. 26 years ago in August 1987 we opened our first salon inside of my very good friend, Ryne Hazen's photo studio.  We hosted fashion shows and hair shows, held meetings, gave presentations...and performed hundreds of makeovers.

Ogden Phazes in the 1990's

Hair Show in the Ogden City Mall, 1990's

Christmas Motivational Staff Meeting, 1990's!

I had many a tears in my office, countless giggles, and some double-over belly laughs! I made lifelong friends, no enemies to my knowledge, and now tuck away all these memories, and return to exactly where I started. Spring to Summer to FAll, but WHere??

How blessed I have been to have all these life lessons; packaged up into more phazes than I can count. My 20's, egotistical and full of myself. My 30's, prospering, playing, raising boys, and searching for my place in the world, and my 40s, harsh realities, looking myself in the mirror, and asking the ever elusive question... Who AM I? and What do I want??? For some, their path is set, they never question or veer from what is before them. I admire and respect that. I also have love and respect for myself, for seeking my truth, and my path.

My life with family and business has always been intertwined. My family has supported me, and believed in me. They stood by me when they disagreed; they loved me when I failed, and they rejoiced when I succeeded.

I remember a conversation I had with my father, he said, "it's important that I am successful in life." What does that mean??...and now in the twighlights of their lives...I know what success is...for our family!

Dying in peace, Forgiving forgetting and forging forward. Loving without conditions; and  

Surrendering to  what IS!!

10 days from now I will begin my senior year at the University of Utah, living with my two youngest boys; our two dogs, Zion and PAC; and begin or rather complete another journey started many years ago.

All things come Full circle. Three and a half years ago, and 25 years before that, I started college and did not finish school, but started a business-- Phazes became my focus for a time, and my focus changes once again.

Look at your life and examine it, take little account as to whether your journey gave you an A of an F (I have had both). And then choose to LIVE, Joyfully and Authentically! It is your choice. Always.~

Examination 

Always on Your Side

Butterflies are free to fly...

and also always on your side. Love those beautiful bugs with wings. ~

Spirituality Defined

Wearing Purple a Red Hat and a Rocking Chair

It is 6:30 A.M.! in the morning as I begin this stupid blog...I have been up attending to my business trying to get to that FINAL paper my favorite professor of the semester is allowing me to write in lieu of taking the final. An option I took since exams and I do not seem to get along so well.

I have no business idling my time away "blogging" but as I was updating finances from my computer an email from an OLD friend delighted me...I MUSt sHARE an excerpt...edited by ME!

When I am an old I shall wear Purple with a Red hat which does not go, and does not suit me.

Which is why I shall love it and wear it all the more...

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain, which is ridiculous because my feet are always cold, but I shall do it anyway. And I will pick flowers in other people’s gardens and spit again, just as I did when I was little on the farm.

I will continue to wear terrible shirts and fight to not get fat while I wolf down three pounds of sausage as I camp in my tent, or "vacation home" as I like to call it! 

For now I will continue to hoard colored pens and highlighters and keep things of all kinds in COLORFUL little bags...

For now I must have clothes that have a small amount of bling, and I  must pay our bills and only swear a little bit.

And Oh NO never have friends over for dinner, MUCH too busy for THAT! Read the paper, a good book, Not a CHANCE...

But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked or surprised, when suddenly I am old and start to wear Purple, (swear a little more) and wear that  Red HAT? And it would only be appropriate that I bedazzle those hats...In honor of my sister, of course.

 What I really look forward to is that "rocking chair" on a porch, any old porch, a quiet one.

Growing Old Stinks

We grow up. We grow old. My baby turned 21 yesterday. I find it hard to believe.

I am in New York for the week and Tandin will be home taking care of business as do my other two boys. Rigorous schedules of college, jobs and businesses to run...and dogs to let out potty, for as one of my favorite books so poignantly titled, "Everyone Poops."

Life. It evolves. And we accept the changes or rather embrace them, and sometimes we fight them.

I found out recently that my Uncle Brent has cancer. As we grow older we have less contact with extended family. However this does not mean my love is not as strong, blood runs deep.

I'm not so fond of this cancer plague that seems to have touched my family's life in such a personal way. Yet we surrender to that which is and love those who are, and will always be a part of us...whether near or far.

And Tandin just so you know if Dozer has this look on his face, take him out, he needs to poop.

And one more thing never forget to laugh through the tears.

White Water Cool and Cleansing

I love the water but I am also afraid of it. I love change but I also resist it. I would say that this is characteristic of most people? Yes? I needed a change from the garish colors I hastily chose in my inexperience and excitement to begin blogging nearly a year ago (purple, green & hot pink, EWE). This template background was another quick choice and...I quite like it...a LIGHT HOUSE, with SHADES OF GREY as a backdrop.

If I had my choice I would always spend time in the mountains before the ocean, however the symbolism of a light house means something to me at this phase of life.

Happiness never comes from outside of us. We "should" (HA) know we are responsible for our own happiness. I sometimes think we expect our spouses, or our children, or our parents to make us happy. We even shift this responsibility of pseudo happiness onto friends and maybe even partying at times. We put off being happy until this happens or that happens. Until I get this job, this house, lose this much weight. I also think that we practice and then master how to be what we are not. Why do we do this? I have seen so many motivations, reasons and fears played out, why, because I think I have done them all!

A lighthouse is strong and stalwart. It stands up through all storms and leads others to them by being steady and unwavering. It knows where it is at all times.

I'm 45. I've been lost in the mountains before. I've also been down in the abyss at sea. I have resurfaced and now I want to be a LIGHT HOUSE. Lofty goal? You should meet my parents. My family, amazing people, odd beaters. And we STILL love each other through quite a few trials... Love each other LIKE CRAZY!!!!!!

I believe we are born with the right to be happy, with the right to enjoy life. I did not say all the time for I believe we learn through our trials. But what about surrendering all those ideas about being what you are not, and become WHO you really are deep inside. I think you know if there is polarity inside yourself. When you surrender to the real You, You surrender to Life.

Words adapted from a song I love...

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap it's arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel what it's like to be new

I work on this every day. It matters to me that I am real.
Everything comes at a price... including Cool Clear Water.

Golden Moments

I went to church yesterday. Honestly, I didn't listen to many of the words spoken. But the piano solo, oh, the beautiful music...took me to a better place. I thought of people I love walking streets of gold. For just those golden moments I was with them.

While here when I visit them it is just stone and grass. Today is memorial day, when we are to traditionally remember our loved ones who have passed on. I remember them often.

We have golden moments, but that is what life is made of...many moments.