Passions and Mourning and Living Part II

I'm a Believer that when we experience loss we have to go THROUGH it to become more healthy individuals.  

Mourning is a part of growth and a process of living. The five stages of grieving according to Kubler-Ross from one of my favorite books "Life Lessons" include: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, in no defined sequence.

I did not post a blog for over a month for i was, and still will be sifting through the 5 stages of grieving until it is done. I cannot say when that will be.

We all get many curve balls, fast balls, slow balls and sliders but in the game of living we adjust to what we are pitched, we swing and keep on...until we hit the home run.

In the previous post Passions and Mourning and Living  i shared "10 things on my Passionate list." Now i will share "10 things i mourn."

"10 things i Mourn"

1.   Those i love going to heaven.

 I AM happy for THEM.

2.   Families breaking down 

WHAT HAPPENS? and WHY???

3.   War and fighting

what IS the story of all these lives and deaths

and what do children learn when they see fighting?

 

4.   Religious self-righteousness and dogma

5.   Addiction

for those who face addiction and win, they have battled the demon and won thru humility and God's hand

6.   Poverty

WHY???

7.   Cruelty in any form 

WHY???

8.   Prejudice and unfair judgment

WHY??? They look happy. Am i not getting something?

9.   Being taken advantage of

(picture may be too personal to post)

10. Betrayal / being lied to

I have experienced all of these things to some degree, in one way or another, and many of you have also. If you have not, you will. If you have not consider yourself inexperienced in living, for these things ARE LIVING.

I wish you enough time necessary for mourning, so that living is more meaningful and compassion is your constant companion. Lori~

Meadow of Wildflowers

Yesterday I hiked 14 miles. The payoff??? A very personal and spectacular view of a meadow. The meadow looked very much like the picture in my mind. The trail was quite thick with little warning that this meadow was suddenly going to break open with its beauty and grandeur surrounded by snow capped mountains and dotted with wildflowers.

There are over 20,000 species of flowering plants in North America, belonging to about 300 different families. Those that grow in the wild or on their own, without cultivation, are called wildflowers. I did not count how many different kinds of wildflowers I saw, but I delighted in each one. I would love to make a very special bouquet of wildflowers, but it is against the law to pick wildflowers, they are too precious. Wildflowers are my favorite flowers, especially a daisy.

This is a very personal song to me called Wildflower by Skylark.

She's faced the hardest times you could imagine,
And many times her eyes fought back the tears.
And when her youthful world was about to fall in
Each time her slender shoulders bore the weight of all her fears,
and her sorrow no one hears, still rings in midnight silence,
in her ears...

Let her cry, for she's a Lady
Let her dream, for she's a Child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild.

And if by chance, I should hold her,
Let me hold her for a time;
But if allowed just one possession,
I would pick her from the garden, to be mine.

Be careful how you touch her, for she will waken;
and sleep's the only freedom that she knows.
And when you walk into her eyes, you won't believe;
The way she's always payin' for a debt she never owed,
and the silent wind still blows, that only she can hear,
And so, she goes.

Let her cry, for she's a Lady
Let her dream, for she's a Child
Let the rain fall down upon her
She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild

Wildflowers are equipped to grow on their own in nature. And so it goes in life that we too find out we are equipped to grow on our own in life. As hard as a 14 mile hike may be for someone who does not do that kind of thing (like me) you sacrifice for what you love and you stand alone in the middle of the weeds always hoping to be better prepared next time. If you are watching there are unique and beautiful wildflowers always surrounding you as well.

If there ever is a next time...sometimes you get the chance, sometimes you don't.

I fought back many tears while on this hike, as I have many times in my life.

Sleep sometimes is my only freedom.

Oceans of Blue

I have been on a cruise to Mexico for the last 7 days. The cities and views have been beautiful. But the ocean, ah the ocean! As I sit on this ship the sea goes forever…I feel somewhat blue inside. I have many changes coming in my life – again. My baby goes to college. They call this “empty nest syndrome." It’s actually a syndrome, ooooh! I actually love change in my life, but I have had a lot of it lately and what I anticipate will be big. No matter I will adjust. I always do. I believe things are as they should be. Life is a roller coaster, you ride a roller coaster, you do not steer it.

As a parent you receive more joy watching your children blossom, become their own person and grow to be who they were meant to be. My children are absolutely doing that. I have never made them dependent on me. They have been self sufficient from a very early age. Partly out of necessity, because I worked and partly when I was sick. They never minded, they liked the independence and enjoyed the confidence I had in them. They still had rules and always stuck to those rules with great respect. For this I am both grateful and honored to be their mother.

So I feel blue. I have cried every day while on this trip. It has not been from chemical depression and it is not that I have been all that sad. It is just emotion. I am emotional…and proud of it, I feel life. I wanted to go to an orphanage while I was in Mexico and knew I just was not strong enough emotionally. I would have cried myself to a migraine (I have already had 2 on the cruise). Blue is not so bad. Dark grey and black…awful, the not get out of bed kind, horrible. I have gotten out of bed easily, happily, went to bed when I wanted, read when I wanted, in fact this trip has been do anything you want, when ever you want, however you want. I came with my son and his friends, guess who my son spent his time with? Which was exactly as I expected. I got plenty of sleep, he got about –none. He had the time of his life. I had an experience of a lifetime. We will both cherish our time in Mexico forever. The oceans of blue will be locked in our hearts always.