Can We Live till We Die?

It has been said that we reap what we sow. Is this true? Aren't we imperfect beings, trying to do the best we can, and yet we fall short so often. Why is this? Is this the natural man, to make mistakes? And when we make these mistakes, what do we do with them? Do we learn from them, blame others, become cynical? I often wonder about how life comes full circle. We live in a magnificent world, full of awe and wonder..and how easy it is to let it pass us by when we are so inundated with the fullness of life.

Today I sit and watch my boyfriend with his father. I am loving him all the more as he so tenderly but firmly does physical therapy with his father after knee surgery. We flew to Phoenix during an especially busy time in our lives because after all, there is nothing more important, worthwhile and fulfilling than family.

  

How beautiful is the providence, that as children we have the opportunity to care for our parents in much the same way as our parents cared for us.

Kevin with his dad, Tom getting his knee back in shape

How tender a moment when father and son once again play ball

I think of how awesome God is, in all His majesty, power and tenderness to supply His children with this planet, surrounded in understanding for our weaknesses and giving us all we need, even when we don’t think so. I do believe, as hard is at may seem at times, things are as they should be, for our own good.

Three weeks ago today my father, who has terminal cancer got an infection that nearly took his life. His will to live, his pure stamina and strength after having fought stage 4 cancer for the past three and a half years has been miraculous and a blessing. 

The morning after a frightful night

My father battled back after a night of hovering between life and death, only to rise the next morning, sitting up in the ICU unit, laughing and teasing in his usual manner. His comment to me this last week as he is recovering in Assisted Care was, "I'm going to live until I die." This can be interpreted differently, what Dad's meaning is, he WILL LIVE, choosing to enjoy, never to give up,  making sure that the fields that he has planted will be harvested. God chooses when we depart from this life. We choose what we sow and, well, you know the rest of the story..

The Sweetest Things in Life are Free

There are days that I still yearn for some kind of familiarity, my old couch, the kitchen I cooked countless meals in for my family, my office, my staff that became my friends. My neighbors that cared for me. And particularly, particularly, my grandogs, Dozer and Roxee that delighted me in ways that only unconditional love from Dogs can be had.

For 3 solid years, change has whipped at me with such velocity i often times felt I would be sucked into the vacuum, never to return. Today is different, today I have hope for a bright future.

I have always spoken openly and candidly about my trials, it has been a source of healing to express myself. It has also been my deepest desire that someone who has read my words may be touched in their own personal way and found strength.

It is a humbling experience, after the dust settles in life, to sit within your own reality and be accountable for the mistakes you've made in life. These are hard times, necessary for growth, and I am grateful for the challenges that have brought me character.

My greatest blessing is the relationship I have with each one of my boys.

The 3 boys when they were younger!

They have stood by me, believed in me, and loved me unconditionally. I was a grown woman, needy and also trusting enough to cry in my sons arms when I was at my lowest. Tandin took me in when there was no where to go, he allowed me to heal, and never lost Faith in me. He mourned along with me as we shared our little apartment together, had talks about school, experienced frustrations when Pac (the menace grandog), didn't mind, and plain just knew where each other was in every way without speaking a word. These months with him I will cherish all the days of my life.

Tan & Me during a hike after a long day of studies

Today is a new chapter in my life. I have love, God and family that surround me and support me.

May I just say this in parting.. Trials and challenges of life teach us the life lessons that mold us. I will be forever indebted to God, my family and friends for believing in me and loving me. The sweetest things in life are free.