Growing up Without Red Ties

Red is a power color. To show power, confidence and strength men are encouraged to wear the red power tie. Growing up for my niece's and nephew's there was an absence of red. Death took my brother when his daughter was 12, his son was 8. Divorce left my sister and her 4 children on their own as well.

How many American families have little or no male leadership in the home? How much effect does that have on children? I believe if you sat down and talked to my 2 niece's and 4 nephew's they would say a great deal. They did not have a say in this matter. Their mother's did an incredible job in raising their children. They are absolutely amazing women, nurturing and strong.

When we face opposition in life we have two choices, we can let it defeat us and we become the victims of bad circumstances or we can rise above the challenges and make something of our lives.

As we all spent the weekend together in Lava Hot Springs we laughed, talked and discussed many issues of life. I realized how far these kids have come. Each one a success in their own right. Two beautiful mothers. Two incredible fathers. Four college graduates. One PhD. Five with incredible partners that have beautiful relationships. The youngest in business for himself. Two recovering addicts and the list goes on.

Some families tout only what is popular or what seems to make them look good. Our family on the other hand has not always looked good. We have had our share of scandal. So What! We got used to it and we became better for it. We learned to hold our heads up high amongst the talk rather than to try to hide it. Teenage pregnancy, divorce, drug addiction, mental illness, untimely death, we found no shame in any of these challenges of life.

Children can learn from their parent's mistakes. Parents can learn from their children's mistakes. Life really does come full circle. You may include grandparents in those mistakes as well. Living and learning is continual. We sometimes immortalize our elders, they are just as human as we are, hopefully and oftentimes wiser for having lived more.

Sometimes the things we lack growing up we will find when we dare lean on those we love. Blood runs deep. When we put away our judgments and love freely Red Ties can be interwoven and create a bond that is everlasting. Reaching out is actually easier than it seems. There may have not been the traditional power ties in our family, but blood ties are there and flowing strong. My heart sang as I watched all my kids (I consider all of them my kids) floating down the river tied together, reaching out for one another in love, trust and happiness. This is the way it should be. Red Ties.